


Monsters in the Dark

by barbitone



Series: Voltron Fanfiction [52]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Anal Sex, Androids, Angst, Dubious Consent, Heavy Angst, Light Bondage, M/M, Sendak is an Android, dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 16:40:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19772230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbitone/pseuds/barbitone
Summary: Being a scavenger wasn’t particularly glamorous on the best of days, but today was particularly fruitless. Lotor had been nearly ready to call it quits when he pulled away a piece of plastic sheeting, revealing a head.Lotor gasped and jerked back in shock. Had he found a dead body? But- no. The head was missing its right eye, and when he leaned nervously closer he could see delicate wiring through the empty socket. An android, then. An exceedingly good one, from what he could tell in the failing light. The android was missing its left arm but it was otherwise intact. There was a tattoo on the inside of the android’s remaining wrist, a serial number and a model name: 5EN-DAK.





	1. Monsters in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank you to [Devils_Official](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Devils_Official) for betaing!
> 
> Tagged dubcon just to be safe, if you'd like more info on what happens, pls check the end notes. If you want more info than that, feel free to comment or message me on tumblr!

* * *

The garbage freighter disgorged its bounty on top of a teetering heap of debris as Lotor watched, using his hand to shield his face from the glare of the hazy sun. There was unlikely to be anything promising in the refuse but it was fresh at least, not yet picked over by other scavengers. He whistled sharply and motioned to Acxa and Zethrid before starting the slow careful trudge through old electronic parts and corroded metal casings, split canisters of lubricants and fuels and coolants all mixing into a foul stew beneath his boots.

Zethrid laughed when Acxa muttered something and elbowed her in the side. At least someone was having fun.

Lotor was exhausted. They’d been at this all day with little to show for it, that fact more dispiriting than his aching back and scraped knuckles. Being a scavenger wasn’t particularly glamorous on the best of days, but today was particularly fruitless.

The fresh refuse smelled of hot metal and the unmistakable tang of quintessence and Lotor’s heart sped up with dread and excitement. Quintessence was rare; a one ounce canister would fetch a hefty price on the black market. Even trace amounts of it promised advanced technological components. There was no reason to waste it on anything but the finest devices.

“Hurry up,” he snapped. The sun was setting and curfew fast approaching. It was rare to get first pick of fresh litter; if they waited for morning they’d find their prize had already been picked over by less reputable crews that didn’t mind the risk of coming out at night.

Acxa shot him a nasty look before adjusting her gloves and diving in to dig through the rubble while Zethrid set to work some distance away. Lotor found himself drawn to the top of the pile, where the smell of quintessence was strongest.

With the sun nearly down and no time to waste he set to his task with a vengeance, ignoring the screaming muscles in his back and thighs as he bent to dig through empty canisters and useless trinkets- sharp bits of twisted metal and old packaging.

He’d been nearly ready to call it quits when he pulled away a piece of plastic sheeting, revealing a _head._

Lotor gasped and jerked back in shock. Had he found a dead body? But- no. The head was missing its right eye, and when he leaned nervously closer he could see delicate wiring through the empty socket. An android, then. An exceedingly good one, from what he could tell in the failing light. The face was handsome, masculine. It even had rich chestnut hair, an unusual enough addition generally only found in sex-bots.

Slowly he dug deeper, revealing a powerful body encased in a thick black jumpsuit that was ripped and stained in places. The android was missing its left arm but it was otherwise intact.

Lotor whistled sharply to get Acxa and Zethrid’s attention and they trudged over to him while he continued inspecting his find. There was a tattoo on the inside of the android’s remaining wrist, a serial number and a model name: 5EN-DAK.

“Holy fucking shit,” Acxa breathed out. “Holy- _Lotor._ Do you know what this means?” She laughed, running her hands through her hair mindless of the gunk staining her gloves. “We’re fucking _rich,_ baby!”

“Is he made for business or pleasure?” Zethrid asked with a smirk.

“He’s built like a battle droid,” Lotor said, looking down at the android’s powerful form.

Acxa crouched down beside him and groped the droid’s groin. “He’s got a cock,” she said with a leer.

“Don’t grope the merchandise,” he said, a slow smirk spreading over his face. His day was suddenly looking up. “Let’s get him back to the lab. If I can fix him we can sell him for a fortune. If not- we’ll strip him for parts.”

“A big boy like him is probably full of precious metals and circuitry,” Axca said gleefully.

“And he reeks of quintessence,” Zethrid added, crouching down to poke at the stump of the android’s missing arm. “If we can scrape even a thimble-full out of him we could pay off our debt to the Blades, maybe even move out of our dump and closer to the main hub-”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Lotor interrupted. “First we need to get him home without getting scooped up by Sentries or jacked by Harvesters.” He smiled as he inspected the Android’s serene face.

Hello payday. Hello 5EN-DAK.

* * *

It took all three of them and the better part of the night to drag the android back to their modest home without being discovered. The streets were cold and empty but the Sentries were out in full force. They had to hide in stinking alleys more than once to avoid detection, and even the reek of trash and sweat all around him wasn’t enough to dampen Lotor’s mood.

“Heavy motherfucker,” Zethrid muttered when they finally managed to dump 5EN-DAK on Lotor’s work bench in his lab. He looked so painfully out of place in the dark room, the walls lined with metal shelves full of crude machinery and engine parts. There were more sophisticated implements on a narrow desk by the work bench, nano scanners and sonic drills, a small kit of delicate tools for working on circuitry.

“I damn near blew out my back on this shit,” Acxa said as she worked her no doubt sore shoulders. “I could use a nap and a stiff drink, not necessarily in that order.”

“I could use a full body massage,” Zethrid said with a grin.

“Try not to blow our entire future payday on whores,” Acxa said.

“Whores? Plural?” Lotor asked with a sharp laugh. “You know she only cares about the one.”

“Laugh it up,” Zethrid said. “I’ll celebrate in my way and you celebrate in yours.”

“I could do with a bit of celebration, after this find,” Acxa said, still smiling as she watched Zethrid go.

“Feel free,” Lotor said absently, turning back to the android. He pulled off his gloves and finally gave into the urge to touch 5EN-DAK’s skin, only barely managing to contain a gasp. Distantly he wondered when he’d last touched anyone, when anyone had touched him. It must have been during Kolivan’s last visit, three months ago. It was pathetic that the droid was making him react this way. It was a robot, not a man. Not a “person” in any real way.

But its skin felt _real,_ the highest quality synthetic he’d ever seen. It was warm, too- slightly above normal human body temperature. Whatever core was powering it still seemed to be operational.

With each passing moment his mental GAC counter was ticking up. This could change everything. This could be his ticket off Daibazaal for good.

“You coming?” Acxa asked. “I’ve got an untouched bottle of Tyrolian brandy we could break into.”

“You go on,” Lotor said. “I’m going to take a look at our new friend.”

“Suit yourself.” Axca shrugged and turned to leave.

It was a relief to be alone and Lotor sighed, rubbing at the back of his neck to try and ease the tension in his tight muscles. He’d been up since dawn and by his measure dawn was fast approaching once again. But he was full of a strange jittery energy that wouldn’t let him sleep.

“Narti,” he called out, and a droid waiting in the corner activated with a quiet whirr. He wanted to get his hands on 5EN-DAK and never let go, and his own enthusiasm made him wary. He’d been in the grip of obsession before and it had nearly destroyed him. He could see it yawning in the distance now, an intense fascination for the amazing machine on his work bench growing like a tidal wave that threatened to sweep him away.

He knew himself well enough to know he wouldn’t be able to stay away for long, but he could force himself to take a break to clear his head.

“Clean him up,” Lotor ordered and Narti nodded briefly before moving to strip 5EN-DAK’s jumpsuit from his body. For a long moment Lotor watched the expanse of golden synthetic skin slowly being revealed to him. Other than the missing eye and arm, he was flawless.

He turned away with a sharp sigh and left the lab, making sure to lock it behind himself, and headed to his modest rooms. As he showered he couldn’t stop his mind wandering back to the android laying on his workbench.

How did such a treasure end up in a trash heap?

Any self-respecting manufacturer would recycle the droid instead of discarding it like spoiled leftovers. Could it be some sort of fluke- a negligent employee or a bug in the programming that had made the droid wander off? Maybe it was something more sinister, an act of industrial espionage or a theft gone wrong. Would 5EN-DAK’s owner come looking for him?

Luckily their home was unassuming, little more than a hovel from the outside. The entrance to the lab was hidden and the lab itself constructed from a triple layer of metal sheeting. It had been a bunker centuries ago, the thick walls capable of blocking a nuclear blast much less any radio or other signals.

They’d be safe enough for now, he’d just have to be careful.

Lotor finished washing and dried himself off, pulling on a pair of black leggings and a soft too-large sweater. He tied his hair back into a loose braid and decided not to bother with his heavy boots, putting on slippers instead.

The house was quiet as he made his way back to the lab, his heart pounding with excitement. He forced himself to pause in front of the keypad, breathing slowly for a few long moments before he dared to go inside.

Narti had finished by the time he walked in, and the first thing he saw was the droid on the workbench in the middle of the room. He was gloriously nude, lit up from head to toe by a warm lamp at the head of the table. Lotor couldn’t help blushing as he ran his gaze over the specimen. He was perfect.

Of course he was. He was designed to be.

Lotor scowled as he stalked forward and pulled a clean cloth off a shelf before draping it over the android’s hips. He wasn’t a robot fucker, he’d never stooped to those pitiful depths before and he wasn’t about to go down that road now, no matter how beautiful-

He bit his lip and forced himself to look away with a sharp sigh. Now wasn’t the time to get distracted by frivolous nonsense. 5EN-DAK was a payday, nothing more.

For a moment Lotor was at a loss as to what to do next. There was a faint headache starting to build behind his eyes, a heavy weariness settling over his shoulders.

The preliminary scans he ran revealed a central core, powered by five ounces of quintessence. Surprising, that the droid would need so much. The average human adult contained three, at best. Other than that the droid was full of precious metals and alloys, rare delicate circuits that would fetch a small fortune. If Acxa were here, seeing what he was seeing, she’d already have the hacksaw in her hands and a gleeful grin over her face.

He reached out for his work glove and slowly slipped it over his right hand. It was made of thick black conductive mesh and covered his thumb and first two fingers before wrapping around his wrist. There were electro magnetic nano-plates installed in the pads of the fingers that let him interface with advanced machinery.

“Let’s see what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours,” Lotor muttered as he pulled on his holo glasses and hit the switch on the side to turn them on. He set his left hand over the side of 5EN-DAK’s face and told himself he wasn’t enjoying the feeling of warm skin against his. Glancing around he saw that Narti was powered down again in her corner. The lab was silent, the house empty.

He let himself give into the temptation of sinking his fingers into the droid’s hair. Narti must have washed that too because it was thick and lush, warm like the rest of him. Lotor leaned closer and set his right hand over the droid’s face too, his thumb at the corner of 5EN-DAK’s mouth and his index and middle fingers at his temple.

“Engage scan,” he muttered and the lenses of his glasses flickered before displaying a holographic nerve-network in the air above the android’s head.

“Shit,” Lotor whispered, his eyes widening. The structure was like nothing he’d seen before. The android’s operating system was the most intricate piece of software he’d ever come in contact with. He could see where it had been damaged in places, connections and synapses blocked or burned away, but the overall system appeared to be functional. The longer he looked, the more it dawned at him that what he had under his hands could very well be a fully functioning A.I.

“Shit,” he repeated.

It shouldn’t have been possible. Everyone knew it wasn’t possible. If it were, someone would have done it by now. But all attempts to build an A.I. had inevitably failed, creating machines with only the appearance of consciousness- at _best-_ when in truth they were a mess of algorithms based on probabilities, pre-programmed associations, dumb luck and nothing more.

But 5EN-DAK had a vast and brilliant _mind._

Lotor’s breath caught in his throat and he acted without thinking, sending a small electric pulse into the android’s brain through his glove.

The android’s eye slowly opened.

It was gold, shining faintly with an inner light. Lotor leaned closer, captivated. The android had lush eyelashes and thick brows, each synthetic hair carefully placed- neat but not perfect. Each strand had been placed by human hands, not machines. Who would bother with such details, and why? The android’s eye seemed unfocused, and as he watched the pupil widened as it adjusted to the relative darkness of the lab.

“Can you hear me?” Lotor asked and the android turned his head slightly to look at him.

The android’s lips parted, revealing two straight rows of pearly teeth. Before he quite knew what he was doing Lotor let his left thumb slide over and press against 5EN-DAK’s pink lower lip. It was impossibly plush, soft and warm.

“Do you know who you are?”

No answer, not so much as a flicker of acknowledgment. Lotor frowned in frustration. The droid was operational, so why wasn’t he responding?

“Where did you come from?”

The droid flinched, his cortical map flaring with activity so brightly that Lotor involuntarily shut his eyes against the glare. Before he could react 5EN-DAK was moving, his hand shooting out to grab Lotor tightly by the wrist. He cried out in shock and flinched back but the droid’s grip was too strong to let him go very far.

“It hurts,” the droid said in a low resonant voice, his eye wide. His chin trembled, and if Lotor didn’t know better he would have thought the droid was _afraid._ “It hurts,” he repeated in a whisper. “Help me.”

Lotor inhaled sharply and reached out to set the fingers of his right hand over the droid’s face, sending another shock through him to shut down his system.

The droid’s eye drifted closed and his grip loosened before his hand fell to his chest.

Lotor stumbled back, breathing hard as he tried to process what just happened.

“Narti,” he said at last, his voice coming out weak and shaky. “Strap him down.”

Narti did as she was told and Lotor pulled off his glove and glasses, dropping them to his work station. He rubbed his eyes with a sigh. He needed a break, food, sleep. He was running on fumes and it was making him reckless. Somehow he managed to drag himself away from the android on his table and made his way to his room, dropping bonelessly to his bed.

He fell asleep with the droid’s voice echoing through his ears like a siren song.

_Help me._

* * *

Lotor wasn’t obsessed. He wasn’t.

He still went out on scavenging missions with the others, though he let Acxa and Zethrid go off to sell their various finds on their own. But that was nothing new. He had particularly distinctive features- platinum blonde hair and blue eyes being generally rare amongst the inhabitants of Daibazaal- and a pretty low popularity rating amongst the local gangs. It was safer if he stayed behind on excursions to the black market. He didn’t let his other work slip, completing minor jobs and repairs here and there to make some extra GAC. He still ate and slept and did all the normal things that normal people did. 

It was just that he poured all of his remaining waking hours into the android.

He didn’t try reactivating him, not until he’d painstakingly mapped 5EN-DAK’s cortical pathways to find the source of the previous error. He never wanted to hear him say _it hurts_ that way ever again. Even though he doubted the thing could even feel anything, much less pain, it had sounded so real that he still dreamt of it on occasion, even days later.

He finally found the problem, or figured he had. It looked like an irreparably malfunctioning data storage chip, probably damaged when the eye had been lost or removed. It took another week of carefully pruning surrounding data pathways before he managed to circumvent the issue.

Finally he was ready to try again, his heart fluttering oddly in his chest. He ran another check for transmitters, receivers, and any other bugs- both in the hardware and the software that made the droid tick. Even as he did it he knew he was just delaying and wasn’t sure why. There was nothing to be found, of course. He’d already run these same tests so many times before.

With a deep steadying breath Lotor adjusted the glove on his hand and pressed his fingers to the droid’s face, steeling himself before he sent the activation code.

The droid’s golden eye opened. Lotor watched curiously as his pupil widened and narrowed, focusing, and then his lips parted.

“Where am I?” the droid asked.

Lotor bit his lip, watching the readouts of the android’s brainwaves. There was some shivering tension there, some strange instability.

“Somewhere safe,” Lotor said, and watched as the droid’s brainwaves smoothed over. Suddenly he seemed perfectly calm, or maybe the better description was- _blank._

“Who are you?” the droid asked.

“My name is Lotor,” he answered slowly.

“Lotor,” the droid repeated. “Who am I?”

“You don’t remember?”

The droid frowned. Funny, that someone had thought to program such a human mannerism into a robot. If Lotor didn’t know better, if he couldn’t see the wiring inside his skull through his empty eye socket, he might have thought the droid was human.

“I don’t remember anything.”

Huh. Clearly rewiring his synaptic pathways had rendered the whole memory block inaccessible. Maybe that was for the best, for both of them. But Lotor couldn’t deny the curiosity itching at him over the droid’s origins.

“Your name is Sendak,” he said.

“Sendak,” the android repeated slowly. If anything, he seemed pleased. “I’m not sure I had a name before.”

“You have one now.”

“Thank you.”

“How very polite,” Lotor said, monitoring his readouts. “Where did you come from?” he asked, trying not to be nervous. The question had triggered a negative reaction last time, but this time Sendak just blinked slowly.

“I don’t remember. Why am I tied down?”

“So you won’t hurt me.”

“Why would I do that?”

Lotor pursed his lips. This conversation was going nowhere. “I’m sure I wouldn’t know,” he replied. “I’m going to shut you down now.”

Sendak’s eye widened, his brainwaves spiking in a way that almost exactly mirrored the effects of cortisol in a human system. It was ridiculous, but the robot was _stressed out._

“Please don’t,” Sendak said, his voice trembling.

Lotor shifted nervously. He couldn’t help being affected by Sendak’s tone.

“Please,” Sendak repeated, looking at him beseechingly. “Please. There are monsters in the dark.”

“Monsters,” Lotor huffed out. The android was afraid of the dark. Never in a million years could he have come up with something so utterly ridiculous.

“I don’t want to be alone.”

“Well, I guess I can understand that,” Lotor muttered. He’d installed a safety switch that would allow him to shut Sendak down with the simple command phrase he always used- _vrepit sa._ It was probably safe. Probably.

“Please.”

“Alright,” Lotor said, not entirely sure why he was entertaining the so-called desires of an android. “But you have to be a good boy for me. You have to do what I say.”

Sendak nodded, still wide-eyed, and Lotor reached out to undo the straps keeping him tied down. After he was finished he stood, backing away a few steps. He needn’t have bothered, the android didn’t move. Maybe he’d taken Lotor’s instructions literally.

“You can sit up if you like.”

Sendak pushed himself up into a sitting position before swinging his legs to hang off the table. The cloth slipped off his hips, leaving him perfectly nude in front of Lotor’s increasingly flushed face.

“I’m cold.”

“Will wonders never cease,” Lotor muttered, glad for an excuse to turn away. He rooted through his crate of rags until he found a shirt and a pair of pants that would be large enough to fit Sendak’s bulky form. He tossed them over and Sendak stared at them blankly until Lotor huffed and walked closer. Apparently one of the things he’d forgotten was how clothes worked.

“Lift your arm,” Lotor said and Sendak obeyed with a small smile as Lotor helped him put on the shirt before kneeling to get his legs into the pants. “Stand,” he ordered, and then pulled the pants up the rest of the way and did the buttons on his fly. He stepped back to inspect the garments critically. The shirt was too tight in the shoulders and the pants were too short, but they would do well enough for now.

When he sold Sendak to the highest bidder his clothes would be their problem.

“Thank you,” Sendak said, smoothing his hand over the cloth covering his chest. 

What now? Sendak was perfectly docile even as he looked around the room curiously. Lotor had no intention of staying in here all night. He was hungry for one, and that, at least, was something Sendak could accompany him for.

“Come on,” Lotor said, waving him over before heading to the door. He waited patiently as Sendak walked closer on unsteady legs. Maybe he felt unbalanced with just the one arm, maybe walking was also something unfamiliar to him.

Lotor tried not to be self-conscious as he led Sendak to their kitchen and rooted around in the aging refrigerator for something decent to eat. Sendak watched intently as Lotor made himself a sandwich and tried not to twitch under his attention. Once he was finished he took the plate to the small square dinner table in the center of the room and sat down.

“Are you going to just stand there all day?”

Sendak sat down across from him, still watching as Lotor took a bite and chewed. It was unnerving to have the weight of his unblinking golden gaze resting on him and Lotor laughed nervously.

“What, you want a bite?”

To his great surprise Sendak nodded. Well then. According to his scans Sendak could process bio-fuel. In other words, he could eat. Slowly he pushed the plate towards him. Just as slowly Sendak leaned forward to sniff the half-eaten sandwich sitting on it.

Lotor could only watch with fascination as Sendak awkwardly took it in his hand and took a small nibble before grimacing and setting it back down.

“What fresh hell is this,” Acxa said from the doorway. They both jerked to look over at her, Lotor with surprise and Sendak with deep suspicion. “You’ve been playing with that thing all month, and now you’re giving it our food?”

“Don’t be rude,” Lotor said. “He’s not an it. Are you?” The last was directed towards the android sitting across from him.

“I’m Sendak.”

“Sendak,” Acxa repeated incredulously before turning her critical gaze back to Lotor. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? If we have to keep that thing fed we’ll be broke in a week.”

“I’m Sendak.”

“He’s perfectly capable of processing food,” Lotor said, a little offended on Sendak’s behalf. “But I don’t think that’ll be his primary energy intake if that’s what you’re concerned with.”

“I’m _concerned_ with a metric fuck-ton of things,” Acxa said. “Like the fact that you seem to be losing sight of what we’re doing here.”

“I’m not losing sight of anything.”

“Just- don’t get attached,” Acxa muttered, shooting another venomous glare at Sendak before turning on her heel and leaving.

“She doesn’t like me,” Sendak said, watching her go sadly.

“Don’t take it personally,” Lotor said, snatching the plate back. “She doesn’t like anything.”

When he finished eating there was a faint meow from under the table and Sendak’s eye widened as he looked around for the sound. Kova jumped up into his lap and Lotor froze, suddenly afraid as Sendak stared at the cat in shock.

“What- what is this creature?”

“That’s Kova,” Lotor said, amazed as the normally taciturn Kova butted his head against Sendak’s stomach. “He’s my cat.”

“Oh,” Sendak breathed out before a delighted smile spread over his lips. He reached out to stroke Kova’s head, painfully gentle with his giant fingers. Kova purred and leaned into the android’s touch and Lotor’s heart melted into a puddle of goo at his feet. He could only watch as Kova purred and scaled the wide expanse of Sendak’s chest before making himself comfortable over his wide shoulders, butting his face against Sendak’s chin.

Sendak _laughed,_ the sound clear and joyful in the otherwise silent room. Lotor had never heard an android laugh before.

“He likes me,” Sendak said.

“Yes,” Lotor said, still staring in shock.

“I’d like to see the stars,” Sendak said, looking over at him. “Can you show me the stars?”

“Alright,” Lotor said, still in a bit of a stupor as he stood. He went to rinse the crumbs off his plate as he contemplated what was happening. It was too strange to wrap his mind around. The android- _Sendak-_ had emotions, desires. This wasn’t supposed to be possible. “Come along.”

He led Sendak up the rickety stairs to the roof, pausing before the door to the small patio to pick Kova up off of the android’s shoulder and set him on the ground.

“He can’t come with us?” Sendak asked, sounding oddly hurt. “He wants to see the stars too.”

“I’m sure he wants a great deal of things,” Lotor said. “But he can’t come outside. It’s too risky.”

If Kova ran off he’d be found by Harvesters and they’d drain him for scraps of quintessence without a second thought.

Kova hissed angrily and made his way down the stairs as Lotor opened the door and motioned Sendak outside.

It wasn’t a particularly clear night but Sendak seemed taken all the same, looking up at the sky with an awed smile.

“It’s beautiful.”

How would an android know what was beautiful or not? How would he know to request to see this sight at all?

“Yes,” Lotor said carefully. “Do you like it?”

“Yes,” Sendak said. “Yes. Thank you. I'd like to go up there one day.”

"Me too," Lotor said quietly.

"I think I've been there before," Sendak continued with a small frown. "But it was... bad. I was in a bad place. I'd like to go up there for real. I'd like for it to be good."

Lotor didn't quite know what to say to that so they sat on the roof for a long time in silence, until finally Lotor’s fatigue caught up with him. He yawned widely, trying to stifle it in his hand when Sendak looked over at him curiously.

“I need to- we’d better go,” Lotor said.

“Yes,” Sendak said with an agreeable nod.

He couldn’t bear to put Sendak back in the lab, but they had a number of empty bedrooms so Lotor took him to one of them.

“This is your room now,” he said, waving his hand over the shabby surroundings. There wasn’t much inside other than a rickety bed and a writing desk and chair. A few empty bookshelves lined the walls and everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. Lotor was momentarily embarrassed at the space, at the living conditions he was offering his-

Not guest. That wasn’t right. And Sendak wasn’t even _alive_ in any meaningful way so what did it matter?

“Alright?” Lotor asked, trying and failing not to be self-conscious. 

“Yes,” Sendak nodded. “Thank you.”

“Don’t go anywhere,” Lotor said. “Don’t leave. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Sendak said. “Yes, I understand.”

* * *

Lotor’s dreams were troubled that night, full of dark empty rooms and long twisting corridors. The air was loud with the clanking of industrial machinery as he walked towards a nondescript door. There was an ominous glow pouring out from under it. His heart was pounding as he reached out to set his palm against the cool metal.

He needed to go inside.

He was too afraid to open the door.

It was opening anyway and he knew with painful certainty that as soon as he saw what was on the other side everything would change. It would mean he couldn’t pretend any longer. The door was opening, the glow growing stronger. He didn’t want to see, but he _had_ to see-

Lotor woke with a gasp to a golden eye staring down at him out of the darkness and a warm hand on his shoulder. He jerked back, pulling his threadbare blanket up to his chest.

“What are you doing?” he cried out, his voice coming out strangled.

“There were monsters in your darkness,” Sendak said calmly, tilting his head. “I didn’t want you to be alone.” He didn’t move from where he was looming over Lotor’s bed but his stance didn’t seem aggressive or otherwise threatening.

“Monsters…?” Lotor asked, confused. Monsters in the darkness- Sendak had mentioned that before. Did he mean _nightmares?_ Did Sendak dream? Lotor was too shaken and exhausted to figure it out. “Why are you- _here?”_ he demanded.

“I didn’t want to be alone either,” Sendak repeated. Slowly he moved to kneel, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy. “Did I upset you?”

“Yes!” Lotor hissed. “Yes- you can’t just- _barge in-”_

“I came in very quietly. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“Get out!” Lotor said, struggling to keep his voice from rising to a yell.

“Please,” Sendak whispered. He reached out and Lotor flinched, but he only touched him gently, maybe even more gently than when he’d been stroking Kova. He ran his fingertips down the side of Lotor’s face, still looking at him with concern. Lotor shivered in response to what could only be called a caress. Sendak’s fingers were warm. He wasn’t sure he’d ever get over how _warm_ he was.

“Please, can I stay? I’d like to stay.”

“What, so you can watch me sleep?”

“Yes,” Sendak nodded seriously. “And listen to you breathe. I’ll be very quiet. I promise I won’t disturb you again.”

Belatedly Lotor pulled back out of Sendak’s reach and the android let his hand drop, waiting for Lotor’s answer. Lotor rubbed at his temples; he was too tired for this.

“You can stay,” he found himself saying. “Just- don’t watch me sleep!”

“Yes,” Sendak said, nodding again. “I’ll stay. I won’t watch.”

“And…” Lotor ran a hand through his hair, looking anywhere but at Sendak, still kneeling by his bed. “And- you can disturb me. If I have a nightmare- or, monsters. In my darkness. You can wake me up.”

“Yes,” Sendak said solemnly like he’d been assigned some sacred duty. “Yes, I will.”

Lotor sighed and curled up on his side, facing the wall so he wouldn’t have to look at the android. This was probably a terrible idea, but he couldn’t deny it was oddly nice not to be alone. And Sendak hadn’t shown any signs of being dangerous. If anything, he was like a giant human-shaped robot pup. A sweet bit of highly advanced machinery, who apparently didn’t like being alone.

Sendak didn’t breathe, didn’t move. He was utterly silent except for the soft hum of the power core in his chest, pulsating slightly almost like a human heartbeat. Lotor listened to it in the darkness, his own heart rate slowing to match it. Sleep eluded him and he turned back around to look at the android beside him.

His eye was glowing softly in the gloom, trained dutifully towards the wall.

“Are you comfortable like that?” Lotor asked, trailing his eyes down Sendak’s kneeling body. Sendak turned to look at him, the corners of his mouth curling up into a smile.

“You like me,” he said in a voice so quiet it was nearly a whisper. He reached out and carefully ran his fingers through Lotor’s hair, making him shiver. Sendak tilted his head, watching him closely, and then moved to stroke Lotor’s hair again.

Lotor shut his eyes and bit his lip, trying to quell his trembling. He should tell the robot to stop, but it felt so good to be touched with such gentleness. It was pathetic, he knew it was pathetic. But wasn’t he allowed to be pathetic every once in a while? It was the middle of the night, and no one would know. No one but Sendak.

“I like you too,” Sendak said quietly.

Lotor flinched and Sendak drew back, moving to look at the wall again as he let his hand rest in his lap.

“Sleep now,” Sendak said.

“Yeah,” Lotor muttered, flopping to his back and throwing a hand over his eyes. He needed to get a grip.

He had a feeling he was in trouble. 

* * *

Lotor put Sendak through a battery of tests, body and mind. His capabilities were impressive- he was built for strength and agility that surpassed that of a normal human by leaps and bounds. His mind, too, was a thing of marvel. He had a firm grasp of mathematics and physics, though he seemed surprised even as he solved the problems Lotor posed. He had a photographic memory and flawless logical capabilities. He had excellent reading comprehension as well as critical thinking skills. That last was a shock- the ability for independent thought was not generally considered a desirable trait in robots.

“Are you going to play with that thing all day?” Acxa grumbled when she walked in on them playing chess at the dinner table. “Or will you grace us with your esteemed presence during today’s scavenging session? It’s trash day on the space station, there’s bound to be good shit in the pile.”

“I’m coming,” Lotor said, standing from the table. He was losing anyway.

Sendak stood too. “I’m coming,” he said, following Lotor towards his room like a duckling.

“No,” Lotor said sternly, stopping to look at him. “You have to stay here.” Sendak was too valuable to risk at the dump. Acxa was right- it was trash day. There would be other scavengers there, and no one could know about a prize like Sendak.

“I want to go with you,” Sendak said.

“No,” Lotor repeated. Sendak’s face fell and Lotor winced. “Someone has to make sure Kova is safe.”

“Yes,” Sendak said, brightening. “He is very small. I’ll make sure he’s safe.”

“Good,” Lotor nodded, glad they’d reached some sort of understanding.

“Who makes sure you’re safe?” Sendak asked. “You are very small also.”

“I’m not- small,” Lotor said, flushing.

“I’ll make sure you’re safe as well,” Sendak said firmly. “Come home soon.”

“Yeah,” Lotor muttered, turning away.

The day was rather fruitful. Lotor alone collected several pounds of gold-plated electronic chips and a few other rare components. But even as he pried open the casing of an industrial data processor his thoughts were drifting far away, back to Sendak. What was he doing on his own? Was he bored? Lonely? Was Kova keeping him company?

He called it quits a few hours before sunset and Acxa raised an eyebrow at him but stayed silent. Even she could recognize they’d ended up with a decent haul. It was never a good idea to get greedy, that would only wreck their already tenuous relationships with the other scavengers.

On the way home through the bustling makeshift market Lotor’s eye caught on a stall with trays upon trays of cybertronic eyeballs, their irises glittering like jewels in the gold light of the setting sun.

“Lotor,” Acxa bit out, crossing her arms over her chest while Zethrid wandered off, happy enough for the delay so she could buy a beer and a snack with one of the silver-plated microchips she’d found.

“Go on ahead if you want,” Lotor said absently. “I’ll only be a minute.”

A green eye the color of a fine emerald caught his attention and he picked it up, turning it to catch the light. It was highly realistic and would definitely pass for human without close inspection. It would look good with Sendak’s skin tone. But maybe he’d prefer a different color- blue, or hazel. There was an amber eyeball beside it. Lotor couldn’t recreate the look of Sendak’s remaining eye without technology more advanced than what he had access to, but this would be the closest match. Or he could get a few and let Sendak choose-

“That thing was supposed to bring money _in,”_ Acxa hissed, looking around suspiciously to make sure no one overheard. “And now you’re dumping our GAC into it? What’s next? Are you fucking it, too?”

“Don’t be disgusting,” Lotor muttered, even though her words were like a bucket of ice down his spine. “I’m just repairing him. He’ll fetch a better price-”

“I’ll be happy with _any_ price at this point. When the fuck are you going to get around to selling it?”

“Soon,” Lotor said defensively, motioning the vendor over. “Soon, Acxa. I promise. Would you just relax?”

“I’m always relaxed,” Acxa growled, tightening her hands into fists and stalking away to join Zethrid.

Lotor tried not to feel guilty as he bartered the vendor down towards something reasonable. Acxa was right, selling Sendak-

 _The android._ He wasn’t- it was an it. It was a payday, worth a serious fortune if Lotor could find the right buyer. It would probably fetch a price large enough he could buy a ship with just his share. Zethrid could buy out Ezor’s contract, Acxa could pay off her father’s debts to the Coalition, the main mob group operating in Daibazaal. Lotor’s wasn’t the only life riding on this.

Except- when they returned home it was to see Sendak lying sprawled out on the couch with Kova standing on his chest, trying to bite the finger that Sendak waved teasingly in his face. Sendak had the most beautiful smile on his lips and when Lotor entered the room his eye practically lit up with pleasure.

“You’re home!” Sendak said, cradling Kova in his arm as he stood. Kova yowled, annoyed that the game he’d clearly been enjoying had come to an end. Apparently his current position was otherwise satisfactory because he promptly curled up and started purring like a chainsaw, his head pressed against Sendak’s chest.

Lotor’s resolve wavered and he could barely feel the sting of Acxa’s glare as she took his bag and headed into the kitchen with Zethrid to sort their haul.

“I’ve got a present for you,” Lotor said, pulling the eyeball out of a pouch at his belt.

Sendak leaned over, looking at it with interest. “For me?”

“Yes. Do you like it? The green will suit you, but if you’d prefer a different color-”

“I like it,” Sendak declared.

“Oh. Good.” A flutter of warmth uncurled in Lotor’s heart and no matter how hard he tried to tamp it down it only grew stronger the longer Sendak smiled at him. “Let’s get it installed, what do you say?”

“Yes,” Sendak nodded, following Lotor down to the lab.

He lay down on the work bench without prompting and Lotor turned on the light before grabbing his tools and equipment.

“I’m going to deactivate you-”

“No,” Sendak said, wide-eyed.

“It’ll only be for a little while,” Lotor said gently. “I’ll wake you right up after.”

Sendak reached out for him, setting his hand heavily over Lotor’s shoulder. “Please don’t.”

“It might… hurt.”

“I don’t mind,” Sendak insisted. “Please.”

“Alright,” Lotor agreed reluctantly. “But I’m going to monitor your levels, if it gets too bad I’m going to shut you down for a little bit. And- you can tell me to stop if it’s too much.”

“Yes,” Sendak nodded. He still looked terrified, but there was a poignant bravery in the way he set his jaw.

Lotor turned on the holo glasses and pulled up Sendak’s cortical map, frowning as he realized it looked different than the last time he’d seen it. Sendak’s data pathways were reforming, rerouting around damaged areas. He was evolving, adapting, _learning._

Suddenly Lotor was amazed all over again. Sendak was amazing.

He made himself comfortable on a stool and leaned over Sendak, taking his face in one hand and tilting it so the light hit his empty eye-socket. There weren’t any sensors inside Sendak’s skull, he shouldn’t be able to feel anything, much less pain. But it was impossible to predict what could happen when dealing with the inner workings of his brain, such as it was.

Lotor poked around for a moment, trimming loose wires and preparing connections, cleaning out bits of dust. Finally he was ready and he brought out his purchase, getting the eyeball ready for installation.

“Why do you hate it so much, the idea of being switched off?” he murmured, fiddling with the optical nerve to make sure it was primed to accept new input.

“I don’t like… being asleep,” Sendak said quietly. “I don’t like the- nightmares.”

“Oh?” Lotor asked curiously. “What sorts of nightmares do you have?”

“There’s a man,” Sendak said. “Looking at me. And a woman. They don’t like me, but they need me for something. They do things to me. Not like the things you do, not things to help me.”

“Oh,” Lotor said as he connected the optic nerve input with the sensor in Sendak’s skull.

“You like me,” Sendak said, smiling faintly. “You wouldn’t hurt me like they do.”

“No,” Lotor said.

Except it was a lie. He was going to sell Sendak, and who knew what his new owner would use him for? He was anatomically correct, he could end up a high-end sex bot in some brothel that catered to the rich and the famous. Or he could be used as a soldier, a bodyguard, an assassin. They probably wouldn’t keep his mind intact. They’d scrub him clean of any personality or ability to think independently and install some inferior operating system, designed to make him _obey_ and nothing else.

Selling Sendak would be sentencing him to an existence worth than death, a lifetime of slavery, and a droid could have a pretty long lifetime. But what should it matter? He wasn’t alive, not really.

Somehow that argument was becoming less convincing with each passing day.

Lotor finished the installation and sat back as Sendak blinked slowly, trying to focus his eyes with the quiet whirring of machinery. The green eye wasn’t nearly as high quality as his original, didn’t have the same spectral range. But they should be able to work in tandem anyway, and it had to be better than having just the one.

“How is it?” Lotor asked.

Sendak sat up and brought his fingers up to his face, gently touching his cheek, his eyebrow. “Good,” he said after a moment.

“Close your left eye,” Lotor instructed, moving to stand in front of him. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Two,” Sendak said and Lotor frowned.

“Three,” he corrected.

“A thumb isn’t a finger,” Sendak answered with a cheeky smile.

“Alright,” Lotor laughed. “Looks like it’s working just fine. We’ll have to see about getting you an arm too. Let me see the stump, take off your shirt.”

Sendak obeyed easily, if a little awkwardly, pulling his shirt off one-handed. Lotor hadn’t seen him shirtless since that first day and his breath quickened despite himself. Sendak’s muscular physique was even more perfect than he remembered. 

He leaned in, raising his hand before he knew what he was doing, and brushed his fingers over one of Sendak’s dusky nipples. It tightened, hardening under his fingertips. He’d never seen an android with these sorts of capabilities, these painfully life-like details.

He spread his fingers out, pressing his palm to Sendak’s chest. His skin was smooth and warm, there was even a faint dusting of hair over his chest. Lotor was once again struck by the detailing, the feat of engineering, the miracle that was the droid before him. It was mind boggling that someone would ever set out to manufacture something like this, much less _succeed._

There was a warm hand on the side of his face and Lotor startled, looking up into Sendak’s mismatched eyes. Sendak looked at him with a small smile before letting his hand drift lower, smoothing over Lotor’s shoulder and down over his chest.

“What are you doing?” Lotor whispered.

“Touching you,” Sendak said.

“Why?”

“I want to. Is it not allowed?” Sendak tilted his head to the side quizzically. “You touch me. I like it when you touch me.”

“I-”

Well. Fuck. Lotor had no idea what to say to that. He felt his cheeks growing hot, his breathing speeding up with the beginnings of arousal. He looked down so Sendak wouldn’t see when he closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the sensation for a moment before pulling back.

“Don’t distract me,” he muttered, refocusing on what they were supposed to be doing here. Sendak let his hand drop and Lotor turned his attention to the stump of his left arm, inspecting the damage and remaining connections. “It’s not so bad,” he said, poking around. “But I don’t think I have the capabilities to construct a prosthetic for you here. I know someone who can, though. It won’t be as good as your right, but it’ll be good enough. I’ll see about setting up an appointment. Alright?”

“Yes,” Sendak said with a nod. “Thank you.”

He smiled beatifically and Lotor’s heart seized in his chest as he realized- after he installed a replacement arm, he’d be out of reasons to stall Sendak’s sale.

* * *

Lotor nervously adjusted Sendak’s cloak for what felt like the millionth time. He’d gotten him well-fitting clothes, boots, even a glove. That, put together with the cloak that left most of his face in deep shadow, was enough for him to pass as human, but Lotor was still nervous about taking him outside the controlled environment of home.

But there was nothing for it. If they were going to get him a new arm they’d have to go outside.

“I’m excited,” Sendak said.

“Oh?” Lotor asked, straightening his shirt collar and fiddling with his hood, pulling it down lower. “What are you excited about?”

“Outside. I want to see it. I don’t think I’ve seen it before.”

“Well, you’ll see it soon enough,” Lotor said, stepping back for a final once-over. He looked good, as good as he ever would. “Do you remember the rules?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me, then.”

“Stay close,” Sendak said, raising his hand to count down on his fingers. “Don’t get distracted or wander off. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t touch anything.”

“Yes, good,” Lotor said with a nod. “Are you ready?”

“Oh yes,” Sendak said, grinning.

“Let’s go then.”

Lotor’s heart was flipping over in his chest as he opened the door, half prepared for Sendak to simply bolt. Instead he stepped out slowly, looking around in wonder as if there was anything wondrous about the dirty street around them.

He wanted to take Sendak’s hand, just for the reassurance that he was still there, but that might draw unwanted attention. Instead he walked slowly to make sure Sendak was close beside him, leading him into the market.

It was crowded and noisy and Lotor wished they could have gone down a less populated route. But it was the fastest way to their destination, and given the circumstances he didn’t want to delay. He kept a close eye on Sendak, looking around in wonder.

“What’s that?” Sendak asked, pointing to an ice cream vendor handing a vanilla cone to a small girl.

“Ice cream,” Lotor muttered. “It’s a kind of food, a desert. It’s cold and sweet.”

“Can we try it?”

“Maybe on the way back,” Lotor hedged. “If you’re good for me.”

“I’m always good,” Sendak said seriously.

“Yes, you are,” Lotor said with a small smile, giving in to the temptation of setting his hand over the small of Sendak’s back. “Come along, now.”

They walked for what felt like ages, Sendak commenting on the things around them in wonder. It was oddly delightful to be beside someone experiencing the world for the very first time. Every time Sendak gasped and pointed out something strange or beautiful Lotor couldn’t help feeling the warm second-hand excitement of it, like he was discovering it all over again. 

Yes, the wet roof-tiles did glisten beautifully in the sun. Yes, the pile of yarns at the fabric stall did look lovely with the way the colors were arranged. Yes, the apples in the crates did look especially ripe, and yes- the sausage vendor’s cart smelled particularly sweet.

Lotor would have loved to spend all day at the market, basking in Sendak’s delight and amazement, his joy in discovering something new. But sadly, they had somewhere to be.

“Now, you remember what I told you?” Lotor asked, pulling Sendak to a stop in front of the door to the repair shop.

“Yes?” Sendak said uncertainly.

“Don’t talk,” Lotor said. “No matter what, you let me do the talking, alright?”

“Yes,” Sendak nodded seriously.

Lotor took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

The space beyond was cramped, dusty and full of engine parts, lit by small sky lights and a few lamps set up in the corners. There was a man bent over a workbench but he straightened at the sound of their entrance.

“Lotor,” he said, narrowing his eyes.

“Ulaz,” Lotor answered. He motioned towards a narrow work bench and Sendak sat down without further prompting.

“Who’s this?” Ulaz asked, standing and walking closer.

Lotor could see Sendak smiling, opening his mouth-

“A client,” he interrupted, shooting him a sharp glare. “He’s quite mute. I’ll be speaking for him.”

Sendak closed his mouth with an audible click.

“A client,” Ulax repeated suspiciously.

“He needs a prosthetic, an arm,” Lotor said, flipping Sendak’s cloak back to reveal his stump. “Can you do it?”

“Let me see,” Ulaz said, moving closer to inspect the circuitry. He looked for a long moment before standing with a frown. “Can I speak with you? In private?”

“Sure,” Lotor said with a grin, following Ulaz into another room.

“What the fuck are you trying to pull?” Ulaz demanded without preamble. “That- that’s-”

“Have you never seen a cyborg before?” Lotor interrupted. “He’s got some malfunctioning parts, but that’s-”

“He’s got proprietary Galra Industries conduits,” Ulaz hissed and Lotor’s mind went blank.

Galra Industries. His father’s company; the company he’d been ousted from when he’d dared question their methods. How had he not realized it? Had he really been gone so long that he hadn’t recognized Galra Industries tech? It seemed impossible but Ulaz was rarely wrong about these sorts of things. Besides- who else would have the capability to build something like Sendak?

Somehow he managed to keep the surprise off his face, but it was a near thing. “He used to be a big shot,” Lotor countered. “Now he’s down on his luck, so he came to me. If you can’t do it just say so, you don’t need to come up with an excuse.”

“An _excuse,”_ Ulaz said with a sharp laugh. “I can do it, you little shit. How exactly are you planning on paying for this prosthetic?”

“Add it to my tab,” Lotor said with a slow smirk.

Ulaz sighed and set his arms over his hips. “One of these days your mouth is going to write a check your ass can’t cash.”

“The question of what my ass can or can’t cash is between me and Kolivan.”

“Yeah,” Ulaz muttered. “I’m going to tell him about this, you know.”

“Please do,” Lotor countered. “Now- are we in business or not?”

“Yeah,” Ulaz said. “Let me just finish up.”

They went back into the main room and Lotor watched as Ulaz took measurements and readings, muttering to himself the whole time. 

Finally it was over and they were leaving. Lotor’s mind was still buzzing with what he’d learned. He should have known, should have guessed-

“Can we have ice cream?” Sendak asked.

Lotor exhaled sharply, brought back to the present. The sun was setting, enveloping the market in soft golden light. Sendak was beside him, curious and hopeful, as beautiful as ever.

“Yes,” Lotor said, leading him over to the ice cream stall. He bought a vanilla cone and handed it to Sendak, who sniffed it curiously. His pink tongue darted out for a careful lick and then a wide smile bloomed over his face.

“It’s sweet,” he said in wonder.

“Yes,” Lotor said. He tugged on the hem of Sendak’s cloak, leading him over to sit on the edge of a nearby fountain, its water tinged red with rust.

“Have some,” Sendak said, offering the cone. “It’s good.”

“It’s for you,” Lotor said with a small smile.

“Have some,” Sendak insisted.

Lotor leaned in to lick it under Sendak’s watchful gaze before pulling back. “It’s good,” he agreed. “You should have the rest.”

Sendak nodded and went to lick it again, and Lotor forced himself to look away before his blush got out of control. They sat for a while in contented silence, and then Sendak looked up and pointed to a couple kissing at a table in front of one of the food vendors.

“What are they doing?”

“Kissing,” Lotor said, blushing harder.

“Why?”

“It- it’s what lovers do. It feels nice.”

“Oh,” Sendak said, his voice containing multitudes that Lotor couldn’t decipher. “Love,” he said quietly. “What lovers do.”

“We’d better go home,” Lotor said, standing.

“Yes,” Sendak said, agreeable as ever.

He followed closely as Lotor led them back to the house, and kept following when Lotor went down to the lab.

“I’d like to run a diagnostic scan,” Lotor said.

Sendak laid down on the work bench without protest, only frowning faintly as Lotor moved to strap him down.

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I know,” Lotor said. “It’s just a precaution. Don’t be afraid.”

“You never make me afraid,” Sendak said with a smile.

Lotor pulled on his glove and glasses, activating both before setting his hand against Sendak’s face. He pulled up Sendak’s cortical map, marveling again at the changes he found.

“Did you like the ice cream?”

Sendak’s brain flared up in what he’d come to learn was the pleasure center, the nerves bright with activity as he remembered the treat.

“Yes,” Sendak said.

“And what did you think of Ulaz?”

A different set of pathways lit up as Sendak frowned, thinking.

“He doesn’t like you.”

“No, I suppose he doesn’t,” Lotor murmured.

“Why do you work with him, then? Why did you bring me to him? I know I’m… secret. But you trusted him enough to take me there.”

“He’s a member of the Blades,” Lotor said. “I owe them a great deal of money, and generally I pay on time and with interest. I’m more useful to them alive and working, so they help me sometimes, when I need it.”

“Oh,” Sendak breathed out, his brain flaring up differently as he processed the information.

“Tell me, Sendak- does the name Galra Industries mean anything to you?”

Lotor watched curiously as the long inactive data storage chip flared to life. But it was isolated from the rest of Sendak’s mind, inaccessible. Sendak frowned.

“Galra Industries,” Lotor repeated before rooting around in his work bench to find an old bit of metal casing with the company logo on it. “This- does this seem familiar?”

He showed the logo to Sendak, carefully watching his brain map. Right before his eyes he saw a connection forming, a data pathway from the main part of his mind reaching out to connect with the data chip.

Sendak jerked, his eyes widening. The cortical map flared.

“Lotor!” Sendak cried out, jerking against his bonds. He took a deep shuddering breath, the first breath Lotor had seen him take, each one of his synthetic muscles tightening. A spike flared through his system, stress and fear, adrenaline. “It hurts,” Sendak whimpered and Lotor felt ice down his spine.

“It hurts! Please! Please- help me! Please! It hurts!”

Lotor gasped and sent a pulse into Sendak’s brain through his glove, shutting him down for the first time in weeks.

“Fuck,” he hissed, pulling back to rub at his temples.

Sendak was lying peacefully on the table now, but for some reason he couldn’t stop the anxiety thrumming through him.

_There are monsters in the dark._

Lotor resolved to work quickly, opening up Sendak’s skull to pull out the data chip before closing him up again and waking him.

Sendak came to with a shuddering gasp, turning his mismatched eyes to look at Lotor with the utmost betrayal.

“You shut me down.”

“I’m sorry,” Lotor whispered.

“You sent me into the darkness.”

“I’m sorry,” Lotor repeated. “I had to. You were malfunctioning. You’re back now, it was just a little while. You’re back now.”

Sendak closed his eyes, breathing hard until his breathing subsided completely. “Alright,” he whispered at last.

“I had to,” Lotor tried. “I’m sorry.”

He moved to undo the straps and Sendak set up, wrapping his arms around himself. His chin was quivering and Lotor reached out to take his face in his hands.

“I’m so sorry,” he said seriously. “I won’t do it again. I promise you.”

Sendak looked back at him, clearly unconvinced. 

“I’ll forgive you,” he said at last. “For a kiss.”

“A- what?” Lotor asked in shock.

“A kiss,” Sendak insisted, watching him closely.

“Alright,” Lotor muttered, leaning in to press his lips briefly to Sendak’s cheek before pulling back.

“No,” Sendak said with a smile. “Not like that. Like lovers do.”

“We’re not lovers,” Lotor managed, but he didn’t have the strength to pull back when Sendak set his hand so gently over his face. His palm was warm, his skin soft. He ran his thumb over the hinge of Lotor’s jaw and further back, brushing over his earlobe.

Despite himself, Lotor’s eyelashes fluttered. He couldn’t stop himself swaying closer or his lips parting in anticipation. Sendak watched him with his mismatched eyes. His lips were parted too.

When he leaned in Lotor was helpless to stop him, shivering at the first gentle brush of lips against lips. Sendak pulled back with a soft sigh like he’d just discovered something wonderful, and just as Lotor thought he had received a reprieve Sendak was back, sliding his hand around to hold the nape of Lotor’s neck, pulling him closer.

Lotor stumbled half a step forward, standing between Sendak’s thighs as he sat on the work bench. Sendak’s mouth was on his again, moving slowly in a gentle exploration that made him dizzy. When was the last time anyone had kissed him so sweetly? So gently and full of care? 

Never.

Lotor pulled back, tears rising to his eyes. He was pathetic.

“It does feel nice,” Sendak said in wonder. “What else do lovers do?”

“You should go,” Lotor said, turning away. “I’m sure Kova missed you.”

“Yes,” he said at last. “It’s my job to keep him safe.”

“Go on then,” Lotor said, and managed to hold the tears back until Sendak left.

He was fucking pathetic. Falling for an android like the most deluded pervert.

“Dammit!” he hissed and shoved his work desk over in a fit of impotent rage. His tools clattered to the ground along with Sendak’s memory chip.

“Fuck,” he muttered, dropping to his knees to pick it up. Narti activated with a quiet whirr and came closer, dutifully starting to tidy up while he watched, tears streaming down his face.

When Narti finished she paused and made a quiet beep, looking at him critically before taking a clean rag and dabbing at his cheeks.

“Thank you,” Lotor whispered when she moved away. He sighed and forced himself to stand.

He had work to do.

The memory chip was encrypted but he knew enough about Galra tech to feel confident he could decrypt it in time. He slotted the chip into his processor and started the decryption protocols. And then there was nothing to do but wait.

He couldn’t quite bear to leave his lab and come face to face with Sendak again, much less Acxa’s disapproval or Zethrid’s silent judgement. It was late but that didn’t matter. He pulled on his work glasses and reached for one of the projects waiting for his attention, a minor repair on a small domestic bot.

As he worked he couldn’t stop remembering the feeling of Sendak’s lips against his.

* * *

Lotor’s mind was a haze of conflicting thoughts, and through it all a string of dread that slowly pulled tighter around his heart.

Sendak was adapting quickly, learning and constantly asking questions. In order to keep him from getting bored Lotor had him assisting in the lab and working on minor projects. He was a fast study and soon Lotor was able to give him his own projects and take on a greater volume of work. 

The money they managed to bring in soothed some of the worst of Acxa’s glares, easing the tension that had settled over their home.

It was still with a great deal of sadness and trepidation that Lotor watched Ulaz installing Sendak’s new arm.

“How is it?” he asked and Sendak grinned, spreading his fingers out before making a fist.

“Let me know if you have any issues,” Ulaz said, crossing his arms over his chest and squinting critically as Sendak worked the arm, checking his range of movement. “I’m sure Kolivan will be in touch with you soon regarding the bill.”

“I’m sure he will,” Lotor muttered, motioning for Sendak to stand and leading him out into the sunshine. He didn’t want to go home, he wasn’t nearly ready for that.

“What do you say we do something fun?” he asked. Sendak’s smile was answer enough and Lotor took his hand, leading him deeper into the market.

They spent the next few hours looking through the stalls and eating sweets, and then Lotor took Sendak down to the abandoned reservoir and showed him how to skip stones. He soaked up Sendak’s excitement and happiness, trying to commit every moment to memory. When evening started turning towards night Lotor took him to the rooftop of an empty factory so they could watch the sun sinking below the horizon.

“Beautiful,” Sendak said, and when Lotor turned to face him it was to see that Sendak was looking at him with a smile.

“Yes,” Lotor said, his mouth suddenly dry.

Sendak leaned in, taking his face in both hands, and kissed him slow and sweet like they had all the time in the world.

But they didn’t. This was the end.

“We’d better get home,” Lotor said hoarsely when Sendak pulled away.

“Alright,” Sendak said.

The sky grew darker, filling with storm clouds that seemed to perfectly mirror Lotor’s mood. When it started to rain Sendak brought his hands up with a smile, marveling at his first rainfall.

Lotor took his hand and they ran the rest of the way home, giggling like school children out past curfew. Lotor made sure to let go before walking into the house, where Acxa was waiting for them with her arms crossed over her chest and a thunderous expression over her face.

“What’s wrong?” Sendak asked, looking from her to Lotor. “Lotor? Why are you sad?”

“It’s nothing,” Lotor said tightly. “Get down to the lab. There’s a few things you can finish up in there. Alright?”

“Yes,” Sendak said, nodding before leaving.

Acxa followed him with her eyes before turning the full weight of her glare on Lotor.

“So now that it’s fixed, I take it we can finally sell it.”

Lotor’s heart sank. He’d known what she was going to say, but hearing the words out loud felt like a blade through his heart. Now that it was real he suddenly couldn’t bear the thought of it.

“I just need a little more time,” he said.

“Enough is enough!” Acxa yelled. “You said you’d sell it. _Soon,_ you said. Instead it’s walking around, eating our food and burning through our cash with all your little- _repairs.”_

“He’s not ready,” Lotor said, though what he meant was _I’m not ready._ “There are still some malfunctions-”

“Then strip it for parts!” Acxa hissed, taking a step forward so she could poke him hard in the chest. “That’s what you said, isn’t it? You’ve had your chance to fix it- I’m tired of waiting! Rip it apart and sell the pieces. You fucking promised!”

Some sound caught his attention, a soft noise like a gasp. His heart sank and a cold sweat broke out over his back. Sendak was standing in the doorway, staring at him wide-eyed.

“Sendak,” Lotor whispered just as Sendak turned, practically bolting for the door. “Wait!” he cried out, starting after him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Acxa demanded, grabbing him by the arm to yank him back. “It’s past dark, it’s too dangerous-”

“I’m going to get him back,” Lotor hissed venomously, “I’m surprised you’d stop me from chasing down your _payday.”_

He shook off her grip and went out into the night after Sendak. It couldn’t have gotten colder in the scant few minutes since he’d last been outside but the night felt infinitely more unpleasant and unwelcoming now that he was alone. He wanted to shout Sendak’s name but it was too dangerous to draw attention- Harvesters would be out soon, if they weren’t already. He needed to hurry.

It was too dark to see much around him, the pouring rain loud in his ears and blocking out everything else. He could only hope that Sendak would go somewhere familiar rather than run off into the unknown, so he headed to the market.

No one was out at this time of night, no one but Harvesters. Lotor looked around wildly for the barest scrap of a hint as to where Sendak might have gone, and finally he heard something, a sharp laugh coming from a nearby alley. He took off at a sprint, too wild with fear and hope to care about his own safety.

As soon as he got to the entrance to the alley he knew what was happening, his heart pounding with fear and anger.

Five men with distinctive weapons like large metal syringes slung over their backs had cornered a single figure. Sendak. He wasn’t fighting back, maybe he didn’t realize he should. As Lotor watched, one of them slapped him in the face while the others laughed.

“Maybe we have some fun with him first,” one man said and Lotor saw red.

“Get away from him!”

He ran forward, shoving the Harvesters aside so he could put himself between them and Sendak.

“Lotor?” Sendak whispered.

“Go home,” Lotor said harshly. “Go home- get out of here. Now.”

“Lotor-”

“Now!” Lotor yelled. “You have to do what I say, you promised to do what I say-”

“He’s not going anywhere,” one of the Harvesters said, “and neither are you. Get them.”

Lotor swore, angry at himself for not thinking to bring a weapon. But he was here now, and there was nothing to do but fight. One of the men came at him and he ducked under the punch, grabbing the knife from his belt before slashing his throat and shoving his body into one of the others, knocking him over.

Before he could even catch his breath there were two more coming for him and it was all he could do to dodge their attacks. In the darkness and confusion he wasn’t sure where Sendak was anymore, if he was still here or if he’d gone back like Lotor had told him. He didn’t have time to wonder.

Through some miracle he managed to down one more of the men, and then the remaining three were on him. When one of them kicked him in the stomach he grunted, falling back against the wall. The knife was slick in his hand; he tried to raise it to block the next attack but someone punched him in the jaw and for a moment the world went blank.

His ears were ringing, his body aching. It was so dark. He couldn’t move, two of the men were keeping him pressed to the brick wall. A third had pulled out his metal syringe and moved to press it against Lotor’s temple.

No matter how hard he struggled, he couldn’t break away. This was the end. He closed his eyes in surrender and let his head drop back against the wall. He’d never thought he’d go out like this- throwing his life away for an android. But then again- he’d never conceived of an android as amazing and singular as Sendak. He remembered their first kiss, Sendak’s lips pressed so gently and lovingly against his.

They said that androids couldn’t feel or care or _love._ But it was a lie. Sendak could. He was conscious, he had a personality, he was a _person_ in his own right. 

If all Lotor managed to achieve in his short pitiful life was a chance for Sendak to live on and reach his true potential- then maybe that was enough.

The only thing he regretted was that they didn’t have more time.

He heard a grunt and opened his eyes to see Sendak, dragging the lead Harvester away by the neck. He slammed the man into the ground hard enough for a spray of blood to fill the air and then he was moving to go after the others.

They didn’t have a chance. Sendak was fast and powerful, ripping them apart in mere moments, and then they were alone, standing in the rain surrounded by five bodies.

“Sendak,” Lotor whispered and Sendak turned to look at him, his mismatched eyes wild and lost.

“Lotor,” Sendak said, his breath hitching as he stepped forward and dropped to his knees, clutching at Lotor’s legs. “Lotor, please,” he said, his voice coming out like a sob. “Don’t sell me. Don’t send me away. I want to stay with you. Please!”

“Oh darling,” Lotor whispered, sinking to his knees as well and wrapping his arms around Sendak’s shoulders, dragging him close. “I won’t. I won’t. I won’t ever let you go. I’m so sorry. I won’t ever let you go.”

“Do you promise?” Sendak whispered, pulling back far enough to look at him.

Lotor took his face in his hands, staring into his eyes. “I promise,” he said fiercely. “I’ll keep you safe.”

Sendak made a small pained noise and pressed his face against Lotor’s neck. They stayed like that for a long moment, both shaking under the icy onslaught of the rain. Finally Lotor rose and offered Sendak his hand, leading him home while miraculously managing to stay out of further trouble. And then they were walking inside the house and Acxa was there again, angry as ever.

“We’re not selling him,” Lotor growled as her eyes widened in shock. “Not now- not ever. If you don’t like it- feel free to leave.”

“Lotor,” she bit out, looking nervously between him and Sendak.

“Never!” Lotor yelled and she flinched.

Sendak led him up to his bedroom and helped him strip off his cold wet clothing, wincing sympathetically as all of Lotor’s bruises came into view.

“I’m fine,” Lotor muttered, climbing in under the sheets.

Sendak stripped as well and Lotor didn’t protest when the android climbed in after him, pressing the warm expanse of his chest to Lotor’s back and wrapping his arm around his waist.

“You’re not,” Sendak said. “You will be.”

Lotor shivered before relaxing against him, letting himself have this one lovely moment.

“Thank you,” he said, and closed his eyes.

* * *

Things between him and Acxa grew more icy but he didn’t care. He’d meant what he’d said. He didn’t care if she was angry, if she left. But he knew she wouldn’t- she had nowhere else to go.

Now that Sendak was fully operational he accompanied them to the dump, the scrap yard, the market. He helped Lotor in the lab and worked on his own projects as well. It was like a weight lifted from his shoulders. Sendak could pull his own weight, and even though selling him would have brought in a frighteningly huge sum of money, he’d pay for himself soon enough anyway. Surely Acxa would realize the wisdom of that eventually and get over her enmity.

But of course, Sendak was the least of his problems.

Lotor was working alone in his lab late into the night when the door slid open. He looked up to see Kolivan striding inside confidently and pushed his work glasses up to look at him.

“Kolivan,” he greeted the man cheerfully. He’d been waiting for this for a while.

“Lotor,” Kolivan growled.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

“You know full well,” Kolivan said, running his eyes down Lotor’s body. He made a point of draping his arms over the work bench in a particularly casual and inviting way, schooling his features into a smirk.

Kolivan pursed his lips. “You’re late on your payments.”

“What a shame,” Lotor said. “I’m afraid I’m not very liquid at the moment. Maybe we could make a trade?”

“Maybe,” Kolivan said, walking forward. 

He seemed cold and dispassionate as he took Lotor by the throat, pushing his head back. Lotor let him do it, his breath catching in his throat and his heart speeding up in anticipation. Their arrangement was far from ideal, so different from what Lotor truly wanted, _needed,_ but touch was touch and pleasure was pleasure. He could feel himself growing hard as Kolivan scowled and leaned closer.

He didn’t struggle as Kolivan turned him around and bent him over the workbench, his hand strong and pleasantly warm against the middle of Lotor’s back. He moved to grab one of the straps attached to the bench to tie up Lotor’s wrists and Lotor laughed.

“What, afraid I’ll try to run away?”

Kolivan growled, leaning closer to bite sharply at his shoulder. “Over the course of our relationship I’ve learned I have no idea what you’ll do.”

Kolivan reached around to unfasten his pants before shoving them down and Lotor flushed, his breath quickening. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to the cold metal of the work bench as he waited for Kolivan to do something, to _touch him._

It came soon enough, slick fingers at his entrance as Kolivan prepared him hastily, and then something thicker was pushing inside him- Kolivan’s cock.

Lotor bit his lip and braced himself, trying to relax, to take it. It was too much too fast; it burned. But at the same time it was oddly good, like scratching an itch. Blood flooded his mouth as he bit down harder but it was nothing to the too-much sensation of Kolivan moving inside him.

It wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t good either. It was something completely in between, painful and pleasurable, not enough and simultaneously too much.

Kolivan gasped, speeding up, and all Lotor could do was wince and take it, flushing as he listened to the slick sounds of Kolivan fucking him. Finally he slowed and pulled out with a gasp, slipping off his condom and throwing it into a nearby trash can.

Lotor was still hard and aching and he scowled, pulling against the strap keeping his hands tied.

“Are you going to just leave me like this?”

Kolivan laughed, slapping his bare ass sharply before moving away. “This is supposed to be your payment to me, not me pleasuring you. Feel free to use your hands after I’ve gone.”

“Fantastic,” Lotor muttered, getting started on undoing the straps. The knots were tight and awkward to work with bound hands, but not impossible.

“As fun as this tends to be,” Kolivan said casually, “I’m afraid this arrangement won’t work for me much longer.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Lotor demanded, twisting to try and look at him and flushing at the vulnerable position he found himself in.

“I have to pay my men somehow,” Kolivan sad mildly. “Unless you want me bringing them all in here to take it out of your ass- I need cash.”

“I’ll pay you,” Lotor hissed, still fighting to untie himself.

Kolivan took him by the back of the neck and pressed closer, murmuring into his ear. “That’s what you always say.”

“So what do you want?” Lotor managed.

“I’ve got some work that needs doing. So let’s just say- you’ll do what I tell you.”

“I’ve got-”

“Shut _up,”_ Kolivan hissed and Lotor fell silent, closing his eyes and breathing hard. “You’re my bitch now. You’ll do what I tell you, when I tell you. If you don’t like it you can pay off your debt whenever you want and go on your way. Do you understand?”

“I understand,” Lotor forced himself to say, and finally Kolivan pulled away.

“I’m so glad that we understand each other,” he murmured. “I’ll be sending you instructions very soon.”

Lotor didn’t bother answering, instead he waited until he heard Kolivan leave to start working on the straps again in earnest. He was hot with rage and shame, and through it all- he was still hard.

 _“Fuck,”_ he hissed, fighting with the straps keeping his wrists tied. His pants were around his knees, his shirt pushed up his chest. It was annoying and uncomfortable, humiliating just like Kolivan had intended.

“Did you like that?”

Lotor turned with a gasp, flushing even harder as he tried and failed to see where the voice- Sendak’s voice- was coming from.

“Get- get out,” he managed, even as he felt just about ready to combust with shame.

“He didn’t do it right,” Sendak said and Lotor gasped at the feeling of warm hands settling gently over his waist. “I can fix it.”

“Sendak,” Lotor managed just as Sendak slid his hand around to wrap around Lotor’s cock, warm and perfect, holding him just the right way. Lotor whimpered and jerked into his grasp. He was going to protest, he was going to say something-

Sendak folded over his back and nuzzled his neck before biting gently at his earlobe, whispering sweet nothings and stroking Lotor’s side. 

“S-Sendak,” he tried again, trying to focus even as Sendak touched him in the most perfect way. His skin was damp with sweat, his breath quickening. He needed this to stop. He didn’t want this to stop. “Untie me.”

“I want to make you feel good,” Sendak said. “Like lovers do.”

His free hand drifted down to stroke Lotor’s ass, soothing away the sting of Kolivan’s slap, and then lower- to his entrance still slick with oil and aching from Kolivan’s rough treatment. He pushed a finger inside gently and Lotor shuddered, biting his lip to keep from crying out.

This was so wrong. He needed to stop this, to demand that Sendak stop. But it felt undeniably good to have Sendak’s hands on him, Sendak’s lips against his neck. He was so gentle, so warm and loving. He touched Lotor like he was something delicate and precious, like something worth his kind attention.

“Sendak,” he whispered, shutting his eyes to hold back tears. _You’re pathetic_ , he told himself over and over, but no matter how the word echoed through his mind he couldn’t bear to ask Sendak to stop.

Sendak pushed into him with two fingers, working him open slowly and gently even though he didn’t really need it, and Lotor let himself stop thinking for once and sink into the pleasure he was feeling. It seemed to last forever. The entire world narrowed down to where Sendak was pushing his fingers in and out of him, slow and steady like the tide.

“You’re so beautiful,” Sendak said and Lotor could hear the awe in his voice. He hadn’t thought he could get more flushed but he was on fire. Sendak pulled out and he heard the rustling of cloth before he was back, pushing into him with something larger- his cock.

Lotor whimpered just as Sendak let out a shaky sigh.

“Oh,” Sendak said. “It feels… you feel-”

Lotor pulled on the strap binding his hands to try and center himself, to try and focus on anything that wasn’t the unbearable heat of Sendak inside him. He felt perfect, everything about him was perfect. And then he started to thrust and Lotor couldn’t think anymore.

“Sendak,” he gasped, trying to push back against him.

“Shh,” Sendak whispered, stroking his side like he was soothing a frightened animal. “Is this alright? Do you like this?”

“Fuck,” Lotor bit out, trembling all over as Sendak thrust into him slowly. “Faster,” he demanded. “Harder- just- _Sendak-”_

Maybe if Sendak were rougher with him, maybe if it hurt, Lotor wouldn’t feel so out of control, so lightheaded and _raw._

“Like he did?” Sendak asked. “No. I want to do it like this. You want it like this too.”

“Fuck,” Lotor whimpered, another wave of shame washing over him. What the hell was wrong with him, that he was allowing this? And more than that- he wanted this desperately. Needed it, like he needed air.

“Shh,” Sendak whispered again. “I’ve got you. I’ll do it right.”

Finally Sendak took mercy on him and sped up, stroking his cock firmly in time with his thrusts. Lotor sobbed with pleasure, completely overwhelmed. Sendak was still talking, quiet and soothing, praise and sweet meaningless nonsense. 

It was too much and Lotor grew silent as every muscle in his body tightened and the pleasure reached its apex. His orgasm rolled through him in slow waves, not the frantic and quick burst of pleasure he was used to. This was like a storm breaking, a flood of emotion taking him over until he was sobbing and gasping for breath, Sendak still moving inside him for a few impossibly long moments before he shuddered and stilled, and finally pulled away.

Lotor was completely boneless as Sendak reached over to untie his hands and helped him stand before fixing his clothing back into place. Lotor tried to take a step backwards but stumbled on legs that felt like jelly and Sendak caught him around the waist, dragging him in against his chest in an embrace.

“Fuck,” Lotor hissed, suddenly angry at himself, at Sendak, at the whole damn world. He tried to push Sendak away but it was like trying to tip over a brick wall. Sendak kept holding him stubbornly and finally Lotor let himself sag against him, burying his face against Sendak’s chest. Distantly he was aware of Sendak gently stroking his hair.

* * *

There was no point in fighting it after that.

Lotor let Sendak into his room, his bed, his heart.

And yes, it was foolish and pathetic, but Sendak’s unshakable regard and affection soothed something deep inside him, healed something that had been broken for such a long time. Maybe always.

Sendak made Lotor feel alive, and more than that- Sendak made the _world_ feel alive around him. How long had he been going through the motions of living without taking joy in any of it? All this time, maybe his whole life, he’d simply been putting one foot dutifully in front of the other without putting much thought into the why.

Survival was the only reason he’d had, and now he had something to _live_ for.

They were careful, discreet. Lotor made sure that Sendak understood. And still every night he looked forward to Sendak stealing into his room, pressing him down into the sheets and kissing him like he was something precious and worthy of love. It was heady, the way Sendak looked at him, touched him.

Sendak kissed him in the most impossibly sweet way, fucked him gently and carefully like he might break. Like it would matter if he did. It was the first time that Lotor could describe the experience as _making love-_ something done purely out of joyful heady desire instead of a rough tumble in the sheets, a transaction to be made in return for something else.

For some incomprehensible reason Sendak wanted him, maybe even loved him. As much as an A.I. could love anything. Lotor stopped questioning it. He let himself melt into Sendak’s kisses and reach out to touch him, to let himself be touched in return. He let Sendak be gentle with him, let Sendak be rough. He let him do anything he wanted and it was bliss like he’d never imagined before.

Even though he was increasingly absent as Kolivan sent him to complete his various errands, he knew that he’d have Sendak to come home to and there was something warm and settled building up inside him. Peace, maybe. Something he’d never known.

He returned from one of Kolivan’s jobs to find Acxa and Zethrid laughing in the dining room, and his eyes widened when he saw Ezor sitting in Zethrid’s lap.

“Well,” he said dryly. “What a surprise. Have you been let out early on good behavior?”

“As if,” Ezor laughed. She turned to press a kiss to Zethrid’s lips that quickly turned filthy. When she pulled back, her eyes were heavy-lidded and she was grinning. “Am I ever on good behavior? My baby bought out my contract.”

“I promised I would,” Zethrid murmured against the skin of Ezor’s neck.

“Congratulations,” Lotor said slowly, dread filling him like ice as the gears of his mind turned, coming to the inevitable conclusion. “With what money?”

“What do you think?” Acxa said coldly, reaching into a pocket to pull out a heavy pouch and dropping it to the table. “Here’s your share.”

“My share of what?”

“You already know.”

“Where’s Sendak,” Lotor said, already feeling faint.

Acxa pursed her lips and looked away, crossing her arms over her chest. “I had a talk with a friend of a friend,” she said. “Turns out it was an exclusive Galra Industries prototype. They wanted it back pretty bad. And now they have it.”

Her words felt like a bell tolling, like the end.

“How good of you to install a kill switch, like you always do,” Acxa continued with a mean smirk. _“Vrepit Sa,_ Lotor. It had no idea what was happening when the Sentries took it away.”

“How could you,” Lotor managed to whisper, shocked and overwhelmed by what he was hearing. By what had happened while he’d been gone. It was too late.

“I did what you couldn’t,” Acxa said, drawing herself up to her full height. “What you were too much of a coward to do. You should be _thanking_ me. That thing was worth a fortune, and now we can-”

“That _thing_ was a person!” Lotor yelled. “He- he had a mind, a consciousness-”

Acxa laughed sharply, crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s even worse than I thought,” she said, glaring at him with disgust. “You’re even more pathetic than I could have imagined. You fucked it, didn’t you. Or you let it fuck you. Gods- Lotor. It’s sickening. Did you really think that thing could _love_ you?”

“Shut up,” Lotor hissed, his heart beating in his throat. His vision was growing dark at the edges. He needed- he needed something. He needed Sendak. 

Sendak was gone.

Acxa laughed again as Zethrid and Ezor watched silently, too afraid to step in.

“You’re pathetic,” she said. “It’s just a machine. It never loved you, and if you loved it you’re just a stupid fuck, the most pathetic deluded fool-”

Lotor turned away from her, setting his jaw as he walked to his lab and locked the door in an attempt to clutch at a small bit of peace.

He’d known it couldn’t last forever. He’d known. And now it was over in the worst possible way and his face was aching from trying to hold back tears.

Sendak was gone.

Gone, gone, _gone-_

Lotor’s gaze fell to Sendak’s memory chip still inside the processor. The decryption protocol had finished at least a week ago, maybe more. Lotor hadn’t had the courage to look through Sendak’s memories, hadn’t wanted to taint their time together.

But now it was all he had left.

He opened the file, hoping for absolution that never came.

The first thing he saw was his father’s face- Zarkon’s face. He was more decrepit than Lotor remembered, his skin more ashy and weathered.

 _“Is it ready?”_ Zarkon demanded.

 _“Soon, sir,”_ Haggar replied, stepping into the frame. _“We need to fine-tune the synaptic pathways, but soon it’ll be ready for you-”_

Sendak screamed and the feed fizzled out into static. 

Lotor could only sit, shivering and watching wide-eyed as Sendak’s provenance came fully into focus at last.

The feed continued, jumping from moment to moment of wakefulness. There were endless painful tests, endless conversations between Zarkon and Haggar in front of him like he was a piece of furniture. And of course to them- he was. It didn’t take long for Lotor to realize the true purpose Sendak had been designed for, the reason for his fantastical tactile capabilities, his lifelike details and his mental prowess.

He was meant to be a replacement body for Zarkon’s twisted and ailing mind. A way for him to live forever.

Lotor turned away from the feed, feeling sick. He managed to make his way to a trash can before he was vomiting, sobbing over the fresh hell he found himself in. The man he’d fallen in love with- the android- all along he’d been meant to be a puppet for his father.

It was _sick._

Sick, _sick,_ sick-

The feed continued even as Lotor crouched on the ground braced over a trash can full of his own bile. There was someone else in the frame now, some medical assistant or maybe an engineering student. Sendak was pleading with him, begging him for help.

The feed skipped forward. The assistant was reaching towards Sendak’s face. Sendak screamed as the assistant plucked out his eye and crushed it under his boot. Sendak was running, hiding. He’d escaped. He’d found a way to escape, and that was how he’d ended up in the garbage freighter, how he’d ended up at the dump where Lotor had managed to find him like plucking a jewel out of the gutter.

Sendak was his own man. Maybe not a man, but he was his own _being,_ he had a mind, desires. Lotor remembered Sendak’s gentle kisses, his quiet whispers. Sendak was, he was-

Sendak loved him.

Lotor had to get him back. Nothing else mattered. 

He grabbed the chip and walked back up the stairs in a stupor, deaf but for a loud ringing in his ears. He walked past Acxa and the others in the kitchen and was surprised when a hand settled over his arm, yanking him away from the front door.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Acxa demanded, her eyes flashing angrily.

“Getting him back,” Lotor said, pulling out of her grip.

“You can’t be serious. You can’t-” she pulled back and scowled, tightening her hands into fists. “I thought we were a family, but all along you cared more about that- that- _thing_ than you ever cared about-”

“We were never a _family,”_ Lotor said harshly and grinned when her eyes widened in shock. “You only ever saw me as a meal ticket. I only ever saw you as a way to hold back the loneliness. In the end I guess neither of us got what we needed.”

“Bastard,” she hissed. “Don’t expect us to be here when you get back.”

“Do whatever you want,” Lotor said, already turning away. “I’m not coming back.”

He grabbed his share of the money still sitting on the table and then he was walking out into the night.

* * *

He ran into a group of Sentries within minutes of stepping outside and raised his head imperiously to stare them down.

“Take me to my father,” he ordered.

They paused for a moment and then shifted their formation, flanking him as they walked through the streets. They were Galra Industries tech, donated to the city free of charge- provided you considered that the fact Daibazaal was practically a military state ruled by a capricious tycoon a worthwhile trade-off for a few security droids.

They took him to a transport, and then to a shuttle. He sat numbly by the window as they ascended through the murky atmosphere towards the space station, his father’s main manufacturing facility and residence.

The doctors said a lower gravity environment was better for his health. The doctors said the carefully regulated high oxygen atmosphere on the station was better for his health. The doctors said a lot of things which would be irrelevant once Zarkon brought his plan of building himself a replacement body to its fruition. Lotor only hoped he wasn’t too late.

His mind was blank as Sentries walked him through familiar corridors towards his father’s office, though in his endless vanity the cavernous chamber resembled a throne room more than anything else. He was ushered inside, half expecting to see Sendak standing before him and looking down at him with his father’s smirk, but it was Zarkon and Haggar waiting to greet him.

The last time Lotor had been in this room his father had still been capable of walking, albeit with the assistance of a hydraulic exo-skeleton. Now he was seated in a motorized wheel-chair, his legs covered by a blanket that nevertheless made it clear that they were closer to withered husks than any kind of functional appendages. There was machinery plugged into him, whirring quietly and glowing with quintessence. His eyes were glowing too, and he smiled as he took in the sight of Lotor standing before him.

“My dear boy,” he said, his voice hoarse and sickly sweet. “What a pleasant surprise. One of many, it seems, that this day has to offer. Are you tired of living amongst the unwashed swine on the surface?”

“Yes, father,” Lotor forced himself to say.

“You said this day would never come, didn’t you,” Zarkon smirked. “Admittedly you’ve lasted longer than I expected, but here you are at last. Back where you belong.”

“Yes, father,” Lotor said, ducking his head respectfully.

“Well? What are you waiting for? Come closer.”

Lotor took a half step forward and Zarkon scoffed. “No, not like that,” he said. “Crawl.”

Lotor shut his eyes, exhaling a shuddering breath as he flushed with shame. He let the revulsion show over his face; his father would enjoy seeing it. Slowly he sank to his knees. He crawled.

“Didn’t I tell you he’d come crawling home eventually?” Zarkon asked casually.

“Yes, sir,” Haggar said. “However, I am unconvinced with this performance. Can he be trusted?”

“Of course he can,” Zarkon said. “Can’t you, dear boy?”

“Yes,” Lotor whispered, staring down at the ground as he knelt at his father’s feet. “Please let me come home.”

“You’ve got to beg me a little more prettily than that, after the trouble you’ve caused.”

Lotor gritted his teeth, breathing hard. Everything in him rebelled but he shoved the anger and disgust down. What use did he have for pride, for dignity? If he had to discard it all to save Sendak, then it was a small enough price to pay.

He begged.

“Was that really so difficult?” Zarkon asked, reaching out with shaking skeletal fingers to pat Lotor on the head like he was petting a dog. “You can prove your loyalty through your work.”

“He is a selfish and willful boy,” Haggar said. “We’d be better off leaving him locked in his room than letting him get anywhere near-” 

“I’ve invested far too much in his education to see his skills go to waste,” Zarkon interrupted. “Don’t you always complain you’re in need of good engineers? Well here’s one for you, cowering at your feet. So beautifully obedient.” He turned back to Lotor, the smirk evident in his tone. “Your time on the surface has done wonders for your disposition.”

“Yes, father,” Lotor said.

“What are you waiting for, Haggar?” Zarkon said. “Put him to work.”

“Yes, sir,” she said, still sounding suspicious. But she wouldn’t disobey a direct order.

“May I rise, father?” Lotor asked.

“Of course, my dear,” Zarkon said. “You didn’t think I’d make you crawl through the halls?” He laughed sharply, like the idea was particularly amusing.

Lotor got to his feet, a fresh numbness settling over him.

He followed Haggar through the halls in a stupor. He hadn’t expected to be put to work immediately, but maybe it was best not to delay. They had Sendak, they could access his files, his memories. They could be on the verge of finding out the depth of Lotor’s involvement with their prototype.

A slow wave of sickening heat rose within him as he considered what Haggar might see if she inspected Sendak’s memory banks. Lotor, bending over for him, riding him, begging and moaning for him. What would Haggar do with that knowledge? Show it to his father? Use it as some sort of leverage to get rid of him, or worse- make him do her bidding? If he’d had anything left in his stomach he might have thrown up, but thankfully there was nothing.

Slowly he recognized their path, and realized their intended destination. They were headed to the door that haunted his dreams, the discovery that had changed everything.

He’d been so young then, so naive. He’d still thought he could prove himself and earn his father’s love. And then he’d found the discrepancies in their quintessence supplies, the sudden increase in stock with no clear explanation. When he’d asked about it he’d been rebuked, told to disregard it.

But of course he’d become obsessed instead, digging into company records and requisition reports, into their manufacturing practices and storage facilities until he’d finally found out the truth.

“Welcome home,” Haggar said with a smirk, and opened the door.

Lotor stepped inside the cavernous chamber, taking in the pods lining the walls. Each pod bore a person, sleeping or passed out, with electrodes attached to their temples. Lotor looked around, cataloguing what he was seeing. There were more here than there had been before. Now there were thousands of them.

An average human adult contained three ounces of quintessence. Not all the pods housed adults.

“We’re perfecting the automatic extraction protocols,” Haggar was saying, her voice hash and distant.

Lotor was dragged back into the horror of his initial discovery. When Galra Industries demand for quintessence outgrew what they could reasonably expect to purchase from Harvesters they’d come up with their own methods. They’d turned mass murder into profitable enterprise, using the city below like a pen full of dumb cattle.

“But it’s still more effective to do it manually.”

Lotor came back to himself with a start to see Haggar watching him. She held an implement in her hands, something like an oversized syringe like the Harvesters used but more elegant, more advanced. She was holding it out to him and, slowly, he took it.

“Go on then, boy. Prove your loyalty.” She smirked as she pointed towards a nearby pod. A young man, hardly older than a boy, slumbered inside. His eyes were moving behind closed lids like he was having a bad dream.

_Monsters in the darkness._

Except the true monsters were out here in the brightly lit lab, taking human lives clinically and without remorse.

Haggar was expecting him to balk. He stepped towards the pod.

“How do I work this?” he asked, looking at the device in his hands.

When Haggar stepped beside him he could feel his skin crawling with disgust and nearly flinched away when she reached forward to point to the controls, explaining how it worked.

“Thank you,” he said once she was finished.

The world grew still and slow. All he could hear was his own heart beat pounding in his ears. He turned as if in slow motion. He took her by the throat, bearing her down to the ground before she had time to scream. She struggled against him, her mouth opening and closing uselessly as she tried and failed to make a sound. “This button here?” he asked mildly, switching on the device and pressing it to her temple.

Her thrashing grew stronger but it was too late. He could only watch as the life faded from her eyes and the small canister set into the device filled with glowing liquid. One ounce and she stopped fighting. Two ounces and her breathing stilled. Three ounces, and Haggar was dead.

Lotor dropped the device in disgust and forced himself to focus despite the loud buzzing in his ears, the headache building at the back of his head. He searched Haggar’s pockets until he found her datapad, looking desperately through her files to figure out where they were keeping Sendak.

As soon as he had it he used her access codes to shut down the Sentries, and then he sent out the order to interrupt the stasis process of the pods in the chamber. The pods opened as one. As he rose he saw the young man frowning, his eyelashes fluttering as he began to wake.

Lotor didn’t stay to see what happened next. He could only smile with grim satisfaction at the thought of thousands of people waking on his father’s station, confused and lost. Maybe they’d wreak havoc and tear his father’s empire down. Maybe they’d all be recaptured and returned to their pods. Maybe it was callous, but Lotor didn’t care what happened, he wasn’t here for them. He’d given them a chance, at least.

At least they’d be a distraction.

It didn’t take long to get to Haggar’s personal lab, and he felt a twinge of pain as he saw Sendak laid out on the table in the nude. His left arm had been changed out for something identical to his right. They’d taken off the prosthetic Lotor had had Ulaz make for him and replaced it with something as painfully life-like as the rest of him. Nothing but the best for his father.

There were tools laying out on Haggar’s workbench and Lotor didn’t think twice about reactivating Sendak.

He could only smile, his vision growing blurry as Sendak opened his mismatched eyes.

“Hello darling,” he whispered, taking Sendak’s face in his hands.

Sendak blinked slowly before his lips parted around a soft question. “Where am I?”

“In a bad place,” Lotor said. “But I’m going to get you out. We’re both getting out.”

“Who are you?” Sendak asked.

Lotor’s heart seized in his chest. Suddenly he couldn’t quite breathe. “My name is Lotor,” he answered.

“Lotor,” Sendak repeated. “Who am I?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I don’t remember anything.”

Somehow that was worse than everything else. Worse than crawling, than begging, than killing. Sendak didn’t know him. They must have wiped his memory store, or simply replaced the chips. Easier to examine them that way. Easier to make sure Sendak didn’t do anything unpredictable.

“Your name is Sendak,” Lotor said firmly, getting himself back under control. They could figure it out somehow, as long as they were together. “Get dressed,” he ordered, rooting around in Haggar’s cabinets before he found a set of scrubs and tossed them over.

Sendak did as he was told, dressing obediently before standing to attention. “I’d like to go now.”

“Yes, darling,” Lotor said with a weak smile. “Let’s go.”

He took Sendak’s hand and they ran, Lotor leading them unerringly towards the space station’s hangar. Alarms blared out in the distance, the lighting changing to flickering red emergency lights. Lotor sped up, Sendak staying effortlessly at his side.

His lungs were burning, his legs aching. They were so close.

They burst into the hangar to see a single lonesome figure sitting in a motorized wheel chair before them.

“I’m so disappointed,” Zarkon said sadly. “I’d really thought you were ready to behave yourself.”

Lotor paused, panting harshly as he stared his father down. There was something metal in his hand, a pistol that he raised to point at Lotor’s heart. Slowly Lotor took a step forward, putting his body between Sendak and his father. Zarkon smirked, his eyes flicking back and forth between them curiously.

“Don’t you have anything to say? Aren’t you going to apologize to me again?”

“Would you believe me if I did?” Lotor asked.

“No,” Zarkon said. “But this is such a shame. Such a waste. You had such promise. You could have taken the reins of the company, you could have been like me- maybe even better.”

“I’ll never be like you,” Lotor hissed angrily, taking another step forward heedless of the gun barrel trained on his chest. “You make me want to puke.”

“How coarse,” Zarkon said, pursing his lips in disapproval. “You never could be reasoned with. I hope you know I take no joy in this.”

Lotor breathed out slowly and looked past Zarkon to the gleaming ship in the corner of the hangar. Lotor had built it himself, so long ago now. He’d been forced to leave it behind when he’d been thrown off the station. It had seen some use since then, he could tell. There were modifications he didn’t recognize, upgraded engines, added weapons. The hideous Galra Industries logo.

If only they’d made it to the ship. They could have gone anywhere. They could have been free. They were so close, but this wasn’t a situation that allowed for partial credit. He’d failed.

He didn’t want his father to be the last thing he saw. He turned so he could look at Sendak one last time. He was beautiful.

A shot rang out, followed closely by another. Sendak was moving, or maybe the world was. Lotor didn’t know what had happened but Sendak had him by the shoulders, had spun to put himself in the way of the bullets. There was another shot and Sendak winced, turning. The back of his scrubs was pierced through with smoking bullet holes and he was leaking coolant and other liquids from the puncture wounds. Some of the liquids were glowing.

He was moving, advancing on Zarkon with single minded power that Lotor hadn’t seen since their fight with the Harvesters a lifetime ago. Zarkon screamed as Sendak knocked him out of the chair and bent to pick up the gun, twisting it in half before sending it clattering to the floor.

Lotor didn’t know if his father was alive, all he knew was that inexplicably _he_ was _._ Sendak had saved him.

“Sendak-”

“He was a bad man,” Sendak said, turning unsteadily to look at him. “He was going to hurt you. It’s my job to keep you safe.”

He staggered and Lotor rushed forward, ducking under his arm to support him as they hobbled their way to the ship. There were footsteps clanking out in the corridor, the sentries had come back online.

“Hurry, darling,” Lotor bit out. “We’re almost there. We’re almost there.”

“Yes,” Sendak managed, even as with each step he seemed to lean more and more weight on Lotor beside him.

They made it to the ship and rushed to the cockpit. Lotor sat in the captain’s chair, shaky with adrenaline as he powered up the ship and opened the hangar door. He set a course and engaged the engines, and then they were out and away.

He whooped with excitement as they picked up speed, hurtling out of the hangar and into the great unknown of the stars, a whole universe laid out before them.

“Lotor,” Sendak said before crashing to his knees.

Lotor turned to look at him in horror, finally taking in the extent of his injuries. “Oh no,” he whispered, scrambling out of his seat to drop down beside Sendak, pushing his shirt back. There were multiple gunshot wounds; one had nicked his power core. It was functioning but it was steadily leaking quintessence. Sendak collapsed to lie on the ground, looking blankly up at the ceiling.

Lotor looked around wildly until he found a case of tools mounted to the wall and grabbed it, opening it hurriedly.

Sendak had five ounces of quintessence powering his core. How much had he lost already? If his core shut down like this, unceremoniously running out of power, it could frag his entire OS, his mind. It could destroy him.

“Lotor?” Sendak asked as Lotor scrambled to weld the nick closed. “Lotor, I’m cold,” he whispered. “I’m scared.”

“There’s no need to be scared, darling,” Lotor murmured, still working frantically. He was surprised at how even his voice sounded, not letting on to the terror pounding through him. “I’m here. I’m here with you. I’m going to fix it.”

“Lotor…”

“I’m going to fix it, you’ll see,” Lotor babbled, his mind swimming. The leak was closed, but he needed to replace the quintessence Sendak had lost. He could already hear the thrumming of his core slowing, growing uneven. A heart in its death throes. “I’m going to fix it, and we’ll go- we’ll see the stars together. Everything’s going to be alright.”

He needed quintessence. He scrambled through the kit of tools, hoping to find an extra vial. Surely there had to be an extra vial.

There wasn’t.

Instead there was a device in the case, gleaming with glass and chrome, designed like a large syringe.

Lotor’s breath caught in his throat and he picked it up with shaking hands. It was the work of a few brief moments to jerry-rig it for the transfer, making sure it would continue even after he passed out.

Sendak’s eyes were closed, his core nearly all the way powered down. He was unresponsive and Lotor didn’t have to be brave for him anymore. He let a sob break loose from his throat as he pushed his fingers through Sendak’s hair and pressed one last kiss to his still lips. He wasn’t quite so warm anymore.

Sendak would be fine without him. He would survive and adapt, he would live and thrive.

But Lotor couldn’t go back to what his life had been like before him.

“I’m sorry,” he said, even though Sendak couldn’t hear him any longer. “I’m sorry, darling. But I really can’t do it alone.”

An average human adult contained three ounces of quintessence. It would have to be enough.

Lotor turned on the machine and started the transfer, lying down beside Sendak and draping an arm over his chest with a quiet sigh. He listened to the faint hum of Sendak’s core, thrumming as it powered back up, and smiled.


	2. Epilogue

* * *

Lotor swam back to consciousness slowly, wincing as he turned his head to try and figure out where he was.

He was lying on a wide bed. The white linen sheets were crisp and freshly changed. There were electrodes on his temples and wrists and a small monitor on the bedside table, beeping steadily in tune with his heartbeat.

He pushed himself up into a sitting position, wincing as the room spun sickeningly around him. There was a headache spiking through the back of his head. The room was simple from what he could tell through his oddly blurry vision. Not just his vision- his mind was a haze of pain and confusion.

The room was full of vibrant potted plants, and through the windows he could see- space.

His eyes widened and he forced himself out of bed, his breathing quickening as he stumbled. Why did he feel so weak? Why was he in space? 

Memories rocked through him, none of them pleasant. He remembered returning to Galra Industries, he remembered finding Sendak, and- what happened after. 

He swallowed hard as he tried to orient himself. His throat hurt. Everything hurt.

This wasn’t his ship. This was something bigger. Maybe not a cruiser, but a mid-range transport vessel at the least, or perhaps a merchant ship. All he knew for sure was that he had to get out. He was wearing white scrubs, his hair was tied back into a neat braid like he preferred. He wondered who had done that, and why.

He nearly fell on the short trip from the bed to the door, but he managed it even though he had to pause and catch his breath at the threshold. The door opened under his touch and he stepped out into a narrow well-lit hall. Picking a direction at random, he started walking, leaning heavily against the wall beside him.

Belatedly he pulled the electrodes off his skin and let them drop carelessly to the ground, continuing to stumble forward. He heard voices in the distance and froze. There was nowhere to hide, nowhere to run even if he’d been capable of it at the moment, which he wasn’t.

A pair of men turned the corner and stopped dead in their tracks. One of them was familiar and Lotor wasn’t sure why.

“Get the Captain,” he said, the shock evident in his voice. “Go get the Captain! Now!”

As the second man took off at a dead sprint Lotor suddenly realized where he recognized the first from- Sendak’s damaged memory chip. This was the assistant that had taken his eye.

Lotor gasped and flinched backwards, overbalancing and falling hard against the wall. He couldn’t breathe. The assistant- why was he here? Was this- was this a Galra Industries ship? Had his father survived to take him prisoner? Or-

“Easy,” the assistant said, walking slowly towards him.

“S-stay back,” Lotor managed, his voice coming out weak and reedy. To his great shock, the assistant stopped.

Lotor’s knees buckled and he sank to the ground.

“I’m not- I’m not going to hurt you,” the assistant said. “No one will hurt you here.”

“Bullshit,” Lotor bit out, trying to push himself backwards. “I saw what you did. You- you ripped out Sendak’s eye.”

“I was helping him,” the assistant said gently. “There was a tracker embedded in the retina. I was helping him escape.”

Lotor frowned, too woozy and confused to tell if it was a reasonable explanation.

“My name is Haxus,” the assistant said. “I was just trying to help him. Like you.”

Before he could come up with a retort there were pounding footsteps approaching and he winced, raising his hand to shield his head in a half-hearted flinch.

“Lotor?”

Lotor slowly looked up to see Sendak falling to his knees beside him. A dark shadow detached itself from where it was perched on Sendak’s shoulder and jumped down to the ground. Kova. He started purring as he butted up against Lotor’s hip.

“Sendak?” Lotor managed, lost in disbelief.

“Yes, love,” Sendak said, taking his face in his hands and pressing their foreheads together with a shuddering exhale. “I knew you’d wake. I knew it.”

“What- what’s going on? Where are we?”

“My ship,” Sendak said, his mismatched eyes familiar and beautiful as Lotor stared at him. “Our ship,” he added with a laugh. “So we could see the stars. Come, let’s get you back in bed.”

He slipped an arm under Lotor’s knees and the other around his back, picking him up effortlessly. Lotor wrapped his arms around Sendak’s neck and pressed as close as he could, pushing into his warmth. The soft hum of his energy core was suddenly all he could hear. If this was a dream, he never wanted to wake up.

“Should I send for a doctor?” Haxus asked.

“I’ll send for one myself if it’s necessary,” Sendak said firmly. “Go back to your post, Lieutenant.”

“Yes, sir,” Haxus said easily and then they were gliding through the corridors, alone but for Kova following along behind.

As Sendak lay him back down in the bed and tucked the blankets around him, Lotor could hardly believe this was real. Maybe this was some sort of strange afterlife, though he didn’t know what he’d done to deserve something as wonderful as this.

“I thought- you didn’t remember me,” Lotor managed as Sendak smiled and stroked his hair.

He seemed so different than he’d been before. It seemed like maybe a great deal of time had passed.

“You had one of my memory chips with you,” Sendak said gently. “It must have synched up before you removed it.”

“But that was-” Lotor frowned. It seemed so far away. That was the day they’d gone to Ulaz, and had ice cream. That was before- he flushed as he realized it. That was before they’d kissed, or any of the rest of it.

“It was enough for me to know I needed to go back and get the rest. I dug the others out of what was left of the Galra Industries space station.”

“What was… left?” Lotor asked.

“A few thousand angry people have a way of causing a mess,” Sendak said with a wry smile. “I went back for Kova, too. It’s my job to keep him safe. And Narti. The others were gone.”

“We don’t need them,” Lotor said, leaning into Sendak’s touch. “We have each other.” It still seemed impossible. “How-”

Sendak’s smile faded. “I woke before the transfer drained you, and stopped it.”

“But you need- five ounces-”

“I can function on three. And luckily for both of us, you had four. Still- I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t try to die for me again.”

“Then I’d appreciate it if you’d stop getting yourself into trouble.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the real instigator,” Sendak said, stroking his face gently. “These past three years with you asleep have been relatively peaceful.”

“Three years,” Lotor repeated. It was mind boggling that Sendak had saved him, cared for him, waited for him for all this time. That he’d built a life for them, for when Lotor woke up.

“We have all the time in the world to make up for it now,” Sendak said.

He spoke differently, he acted differently too. Not a blank naive android but a man, and apparently a Captain. It was strange but Lotor found himself not minding the changes overmuch. He still kissed the same, like Lotor was something beautiful and precious. And he still looked at him the same too, warm and besotted.

They said androids couldn’t fall in love, but if not, then Lotor didn’t know how else to describe the emotion brimming in Sendak’s eyes.

They had all the time in the world to go out into the great unknown of the stars, a whole universe laid out before them. But first-

“Kiss me,” Lotor said, opening his arms. “Like lovers do.”

“Yes,” Sendak said with an agreeable smile, and leaned in.

_fin._


	3. The Lost Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was wondering how the heck Sendak, as a blank slate baby, managed to take care of business and build a life of his own. The answer? Haxus

* * *

Haxus startled when the door to the lab opened, looking up from his work to see Haggar walking in with a smirk. She was followed by four sentries, carrying in the lifeless body of an android he knew too well.

_Oh no._

They dumped him unceremoniously on a workbench and turned to leave.

“Is that-” Haxus started.

“The 5EN-DAK unit, yes,” Haggar said.

“He’s been found, then,” Haxus said faintly.

“Oh yes. Returned.” Haggar laughed.

“I see. That’s excellent news.”

“Yes,” Haggar said, not hesitating to grab a set of tools and opening up Sendak’s skull, yanking out his memory chips one by one. “And now we’ll finally find out who stole him and where he’s been all this time.”

She took the chips over to a processor while Haxus watched, on the verge of fainting. As soon as she opened up his memories she’d see that Haxus was the one that had helped him escape. His death wouldn’t be quick or easy.

“I’ll- leave you to it, mistress Haggar,” he said, turning towards the door. He needed to leave, _now,_ before it was too late to escape.

“No,” Haggar said. “Stay. This’ll only take a moment, and then you can begin repairs.”

“Yes, mistress.” If he left now that would only sign his death warrant. He felt frozen to the spot, hoping for some sort of miracle.

“Damn,” Haggar cursed. “One of its memory chips is missing. And the others-” she slammed her fist against the table, making Haxus flinch. “There’s some sort of new encryption protocol in place. This’ll take days!” 

“I’m sorry,” Haxus said, trying not to feel giddy. When she turned her glare on him he hurried to add, “that’s terrible to hear.”

“Yes, it is. But no matter. It’s returned to us, and for very little cost. We’ll let the smug little girl enjoy her reward for a day or two, and then we’ll send Sentries to retrieve what’s left. All in all- this is a great day.”

“Yes,” Haxus agreed. Of course. Let the girl who returned him spread the word that Galra Industries kept their promises. After that, they could dispose of her for a return on their investment with no one the wiser.

“Start repairs,” Haggar ordered, pushing herself away from the table. “No sense in waiting.”

She left as quickly as she’d come, leaving Haxus alone with the droid.

He approached carefully, his heart aching to see him brought back here.

“Hello, Sen-Sen,” Haxus said quietly, stroking the hair back from the android’s forehead. “You’ve had quite the adventure, haven’t you? Shame it couldn’t last.”

As much as he wanted to, he didn’t think he could get Sen out again. They’d be keeping him under closer watch, just like they’d been keeping all the Galra Industries employees practically on a leash.

“Someone’s been taking care of you, huh?” Haxus said as he started to undress the android. He was wearing practical clothes of canvas and leather, a particularly fine pair of boots. His replacement eye and arm were good quality and expertly installed. He seemed to be in surprisingly good shape.

It took a few hours to change out his arm for a replacement they held in stock, and as the nanobots seamlessly sewed up the rip in the synthetic skin Haxus gave into curiosity and got out his diagnostic tools. He put on his holo glasses and glove and set his hand carefully against Sen’s face before saying, “engage scan.”

He couldn’t help gasping as the neural network sprang to life before him.

Sen had changed so much during his time away, he’d developed into a full human being. There were connections here that Haxus hadn’t ever dreamt of constructing, connections that allowed him to feel _emotions._

“Wow,” Haxus whispered, looking at the delicate network. He’d built the framework for the A.I. consciousness and he knew a few things that even Haggar herself didn’t know. Like the fact that not all of his memories were contained in the memory chips. Certain things- strong emotions, desires, fears- could stamp themselves onto the very structure of his mind. Sense memories, particularly treasured ones, would write themselves into the very fabric of his being.

He looked at his datapad nervously, checking the security feeds to make sure no one was coming, and then activated the neural connection in his holo glasses that would let him delve more deeply into Sendak’s mind. Instantly he was overwhelmed by a string of powerful memories swathed in the golden glow of impossibly deep fondness-

_A pair of beautiful eyes, such a rich blue they were nearly purple, crinkled at the corners as the person they belonged to smiled._

_The sweet creamy taste of vanilla ice cream, shared like a rare treasure with someone dear._

_A soft voice saying, “come along.” That same voice saying- “I promise you,” and then “I’ll keep you safe.”_

_The feeling of lips tenderly meeting lips._

_Quiet purring, a black cat butting up against his hands._

_Warmth spreading through his chest, a sharp burst of pleasure, soft platinum hair spilling through his fingers like silk-_

Haxus gasped and broke the connection, pushing himself back from the android. He panted as he struggled to come back to himself, shaking off the intensity of the emotions he’d felt.

“Oh Sen,” he breathed out. “You’ve gone and fallen in love.” 

Whoever it was, Sen would never see them again. But the feeling would be forever stamped into the core of what he was, like a phantom ache even after Zarkon took his body.

Haxus was startled out of his thoughts by footsteps in the hallway and some instinct had him scrambling to hide behind a nearby workbench. The door opened and someone stormed in, pausing for a moment before grabbing the tools Haxus had left laying out.

He dared to peek out of his hiding spot only to see Zarkon’s exiled son, Lotor, standing over Sen with a devastated expression on his face. He must have activated the android because Sen’s eyes opened and Lotor smiled, his eyes rimmed with red and glistening with unshed tears.

“Hello darling,” he whispered, taking Sen’s face in his hands.

Haxus recognized the particular shade of his blond hair, the resonance of his voice, and the realization of what was happening rocked through him like a lightning bolt. Sen had fallen in love with Zarkon’s son, who apparently loved him too. Lotor had come back to Galra Industries after all these years, all so he could get him back.

“Where am I?” Sen asked.

“In a bad place,” Lotor said. “But I’m going to get you out. We’re both getting out.”

“Who are you?”

“My name is Lotor.”

“Lotor,” Sen repeated. “Who am I?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I don’t remember anything.”

“Your name is Sendak,” Lotor said firmly. If he was upset that Sen didn’t remember him, he didn’t let it show. Maybe he’d made a back-up of Sen’s memory cores, maybe he had a plan. “Get dressed,” he ordered, rooting around in Haggar’s cabinets before he found a set of scrubs and tossed them over.

Sendak did as he was told, dressing obediently before standing. “I’d like to go now.”

“Yes, darling,” Lotor said with a smile. “Let’s go.”

He took Sen’s hand and they ran, both none the wiser of Haxus’ presence. As he stood he found himself smiling so hard his face was aching. 

He’d seen Lotor’s work. He was a legend amongst the Galra Industries engineers. He was smart and clever, he could work his way out of any problem. If he was on Sen’s side- then they’d escape.

Haxus bit his lip as he thought of it, thought of his own life here. He was an engineer, yes. He was a valued assistant, technically. He was a prisoner, just as much as Sen had been, and now Lotor had come to stage a prison break.

Something big was about to happen and Haxus would be at the forefront of it, not caught in the rubble. He followed, careful to stay far enough back that Lotor and Sen wouldn’t realize he was there.

By the time he watched them go into the hangar there were alarms blaring through the halls, flashing emergency lights. He turned the corner just in time to see the hangar doors closing, just in time to see that there was a figure seated in a motorized wheelchair between Lotor and Sen and their path to freedom.

Haxus didn’t dare follow them into the hangar after that. Zarkon was there.

He felt paralyzed with fear until he heard the gunshots, and then he took a few deep breaths and forced himself to walk inside.

Zarkon was lying on the ground. One of the ships was powering up and leaving. Haxus could only stare as the sound of footsteps filled the halls. The Sentries were coming. If they found him here like this, standing over Zarkon’s body, they’d think him the perpetrator.

Lotor and Sen were long gone but he couldn’t stay here, that much he knew for sure.

He took a small ship, the fastest he could find, and left just as the Sentries burst in to try and come after him. But it was too late.

His heart was pounding in his chest, his hands sweaty over the controls. He had no plan, no money, nothing but the ship and the clothes on his back. Nothing but the drive to go find Sen. Maybe he could convince Lotor he was a friend, maybe he could help them. It was the only thing left to him now.

Lotor’s ship wasn’t out of range of his sensors yet and he set a course to follow. They had a head start on him, but his ship was faster. Only slightly, but it would be enough. He locked in an intercept course and sat back, shivering. In two hours he’d have them.

And then Lotor would either kill him, like he’d killed his father, or maybe, just maybe, Haxus could start a new life at their side. A better life. Maybe he could be free too.

* * *

When he was close enough he hailed the ship and got no answer. He tried not to be worried. Their course was straight and true towards Olkarion, one of the democratic planets. They hadn’t turned to fire on him.

But there was no answer and that couldn’t be good.

It took another half hour until Haxus’ ship was upon them. He hailed them again, and then again, and then he requested permission to dock. There was no answer to any of his messages so he docked anyway, despite his misgivings. No one stopped him.

When he opened the door to step over the threshold into Lotor’s ship he felt a strange sense of unease washing over him. Something was wrong, he could sense it in the air. It felt like a ghost ship, full of sorrow and pain.

But they’d escaped. So, why-

His footsteps echoed eerily through the silent passageways as he crept towards the cockpit. When he opened the door it hit him all at once- the acrid tang of quintessence, the smell of sweat and fear, and Sendak’s voice, broken and begging-

“No. No. You have to wake up. You have to. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Please wake up. You have to wake up. Don’t leave me, wake up! Wake up.”

It was endless and devastating. Haxus had never heard that sort of pain and desperation before and it made him weak in the knees.

Sen was cradling Lotor’s body in his arms, whispering to him, begging him.

_Wake up._

Over and over again, like he’d been doing it for hours.

Lotor’s skin was deathly pale, his hair lank. There was a mess of tools strewn haphazardly over the floor and the unmistakable remains of a smashed Harvester unit. Sen’s scrubs were practically ripped off of him and Haxus could see the bullet holes, the hastily patched parts where he must have been leaking quintessence. Everything came into sharp focus and Haxus gasped in horror as he realized what must have happened here.

“Wake up! Wake up! You have to wake up!”

“Sen-Sen,” Haxus whispered gently. It was the name he’d called him, before. But Sen didn’t answer, lost as he was, stroking Lotor’s lifeless face.

Sen was clutching Lotor’s corpse like it was the most precious thing in the world and Haxus felt tears spill down his own cheeks at the sight.

“Sen-Sen,” he repeated, louder. 

How long would he have sat here like this, pleading with a dead man, if Haxus hadn’t have come?

Sen ignored him and he didn’t know what to do, how to break through to him. He remembered the lab, what Lotor had called him, and said-

“Sendak!” 

Sen looked up at him in shock. He didn’t have tear ducts, wasn’t capable of crying. Somehow that seemed tragic too, watching all of Sen’s pain pent up and swirling inside him, just behind his mismatched eyes.

“Sendak- do you remember me?”

“Don’t- don’t come closer,” Sendak whispered. “Don’t- don’t hurt him.”

“No, I won’t,” he promised, kneeling slowly so he wouldn’t seem like a threat. “I’m- I’m a friend. I’m here to help you.”

Sendak watched him for a long moment. He didn’t remember Haxus, but surely some of the trust they’d built remained in him anyway?

“You’re here to help,” he echoed faintly. “Help- help _him.”_

 _He’s dead,_ Haxus wanted to say and couldn’t.

“Alright,” he managed, moving closer carefully. “Let me- let me see what I can do.”

There was nothing he could do. 

He could see the effects of quintessence draining from a mile away. Lotor was dead. He pressed his fingers to the pulse point on his neck anyway, just to humor Sendak, and gasped as he felt a faint heart beat.

It couldn’t be possible. But he leaned closer, almost pressing the side of his face to Lotor’s slack lips, and waited with bated breath until he felt the faint stirring of air against his cheek. Somehow, Lotor was alive.

“He’s alive,” he said in shock.

“Help him!”

“I- I can’t,” Haxus managed. But they were on a course to Olkarion and the Universe’s best doctors. And- his eyes fell to a bulging pouch on Lotor’s belt. He opened it and pulled out a bag containing a fortune in GAC. There was something else in his pocket too. A small case, containing one of Sendak’s memory chips.

“We’ll take him to a doctor,” Haxus said. “We’ll get him the help he needs.”

“Is he going to be alright?” Sendak asked.

Haxus stared into his hopeful eyes, not sure what to say. In the end he told the truth, no matter how much it might have hurt.

“I don’t know.”

“He’s going to be alright,” Sendak said firmly, looking back down at the man that was somehow miraculously alive in his lap. “I’m going to- I’m going to keep him safe.”

“I know you will, Sen-Sen,” Haxus said softly and stood to go to the controls, scanning for the closest hospital.

* * *

They had enough money to get Lotor the best doctors, but this wasn’t the sort of problem money could solve.

“He’s in a coma,” the Olkari doctor said gently. “It’s a miracle he’s even alive, after how much life force was drained from him. It’s possible, with time, that it may replenish. But it’s… unlikely at best.”

“Thank you,” Haxus said as he watched Sendak stroking Lotor’s unresponsive hand.

“He’s going to wake up,” Sendak said fiercely. “He will.”

“...Perhaps,” the Olkari doctor said before taking his leave.

Haxus stepped forward and set his hand over Sendak’s shoulder, squeezing in a futile attempt to comfort him.

“I don’t even know…” Sendak whispered. “I don’t know… who he is. Why I…”

“Love him?”

“I wish I could know. I wish I could-”

“He had one of your memory chips,” Haxus said slowly. “I could- install it. Maybe it’ll help. But maybe it will only hurt.”

Sendak looked up at him, lost and hopeful. “I don’t care if it hurts. I need to know.”

“Alright,” Haxus said. “But I have to shut you down. To install it.”

Sendak hated to be shut down, he knew that for sure. But Sendak only set his jaw bravely and nodded. “I have to know. Please- do it.”

Haxus had him lie down on the cold floor of the hospital room and shut him down before installing the chip and reactivating him.

For a long time Sendak looked blankly up at the ceiling, and then he took a deep shuddering breath and turned, looking at him with clear eyes.

“Haxus,” he said, and this time the name sounded like recognition. He pushed himself up into a sitting position before dragging Haxus into a tight embrace. “You helped me, before. Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

“Yes,” Haxus said in surprise, awkwardly patting Sendak on the back.

“I have to- I need to get the rest,” Sendak said, standing. “I need to- there are things I need to do. Watch over him, while I’m gone.”

“Where are you going?”

“Back to Daibazaal,” Sendak said firmly. “But I’ll return for him. For you. For both of you. I promise.”

There was no arguing with him, and Haxus let him go.

Weeks passed.

Weeks of not knowing what was happening, if Sendak was safe or if he was gone for good. Weeks of cold hospital rooms and Lotor’s slow labored breathing.

Finally Sendak returned with a cat and an android in tow, and when he looked at Lotor his expression was even more fond.

“He wanted to see the stars,” Sendak said with a smile. “We were going to see the stars together. He would have hated this room, the machines, and- all of this.”

“So what do you want to do?” Haxus asked. He wasn’t sure when everything had shifted so completely, when he’d gone from trying to protect an innocent android to following his lead. But it had, and he knew with a strange certainty that he’d follow wherever Sendak took him.

“We can’t stay here forever,” Sendak said. “The money will run out eventually, and then we’ll have nothing. So we’ll go- into the stars. We’ll make our own path, our own fortune and our own destiny. And when he wakes up, he’ll be happy to see our success.”

“Alright,” Haxus said, not sure if it was conviction or delusion in Sendak’s voice. “Whatever you want.”

* * *

They used the last of the money to buy a merchant ship, making sure it was equipped with everything they needed for Lotor’s continuing care.

They worked jobs, and fought pirate ships, and built up a crew.

Kova became the unofficial mascot, and each person on the ship slowly grew to trust Sendak with their lives.

With each passing day Haxus watched Sendak grow more and more distant, spend more and more time in Lotor’s room.

He wondered how much longer this could last until Sendak finally broke and gave into despair.

A year passed, then two. Three.

Sendak spent every night in Lotor’s room, watching him sleep. Every morning he went about his duties with the same care and attention as always, even as Haxus slowly watched the glow fade from his eyes.

Love. It would be stamped on his consciousness forever. But it couldn’t sustain him forever in the face of his heartache.

There were no solutions, only time.

And then, as if he were driven by that same deeply founded urge for reunion that had taken root in Sendak’s very soul, Lotor woke.

“Get the Captain,” Haxus said when he found Lotor inexplicably standing on his own power in the middle of the hall, weak and pale and staring back at him with fear and suspicion. It was too much to believe, that someone could come back from the sacrifice Lotor had made. He truly was a legend, powered by force of will and determination alone.

“Go get the Captain! _Now!”_

Lotor staggered backwards, falling back against the wall. But he was _awake._ Somehow, he was back.

“Easy,” Haxus said, fighting back a smile.

He was alright. They’d both be alright, now.

Maybe one day he’d be blessed enough to find what they had. But for now- it was enough that he was free.

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Regarding the dubcon: Lotor and Kolivan have an arrangement where Lotor basically trades sex for money, and although Lotor consents to this and somewhat enjoys it, it's not an entirely pleasant situation. Furthermore- Sendak is a robot with little understanding of human norms and boundaries, and maybe... oversteps, even though ultimately Lotor wants it. It's definitely a murky situation overall.
> 
> Find me on tumblr at [barbitone](http://barbitone.tumblr.com/) and pillowfort also at [barbitone](https://www.pillowfort.io/barbitone)


End file.
